


My Promise To You

by orphan_account



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-03 05:31:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 33,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5278571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hope is the perpetrator, Kelley is the victim. Or at least that's what the team assumes when the two break up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my new one! Let me know what you think :)
> 
> Italics is the past
> 
> The whole story will be in Hope's POV

 

Hope POV:

 

I’m sitting at dinner. My teammates surround me, but none of them pay me any attention. I’m sitting at a table by myself, scrolling through my phone, waiting for it to be time for me to go back to my room where I can be alone. Where I don’t have to deal with their looks, their whispers, their open alienation. For now, though, I glance up at them. Carli is sitting with a few of the girls, laughing at something they said. She glances at me, I give her a small smile, but she shakes her head at me with a glare, before turning away again.

 

I look at Kelley, the woman who caused all of this. She’s surrounded by her friends, my teammates. They sit around her, like a wall, protecting her from me. I shake my head and look back to my phone. I quickly finish eating my food and walk out, ignoring the looks I get as I walk by.

 

I lay down in my bed, sighing to myself. I used to have friends on this team. I used to have Carli. I used to have Christie. I used to have Becky. Now they all think I’m a monster. They think I, the big bad Hope Solo, hurt the team’s most innocent. I let them think what they want. No one has asked me what really happened, no one cares how I feel. They have her back and they made that clear from the second she and I got together.

 

I feel tears well up in my eyes. I shake myself out of it before I allow myself to feel the pain I’ve kept inside for 6 months now. I hear Ali come into the room so I grab my book and pretend to read it. Ash is with her. I glance up, but only receive a heavy glare from my fellow keeper. I look away, not allowing her to see the hurt that undoubtedly flashed through my eyes.

 

Training the next morning is terrible, for me, just like it has been every day since the breakup. The girls don’t hesitate to get physical with me, nail a shot right at me, or make snide comments at me in passing. I see a cross come in and I go out to cut it off when I feel cleats hit my thigh. I hit the ground, in pain, and look up to see Alex looking down at me.

 

“What the fuck, Morgan?” I say through the pain. She doesn’t respond to me. She just walks away. I look at my thigh to see blood. “Great.” I say to myself, forcing myself to get up, with no help from my teammates. I go to the medical staff to have them bandage me up. While they’re working on me, I scan the field, looking for her. We make eye contact and she looks at me guiltily. I roll my eyes at her and shake my head. She’s allowing this to happen. She’s playing the victim.

 

* * *

 

  _"Hope, be my girlfriend.” I hear her say. We were in our hotel room, naked, recovering from what we had just done, when I hear it. We were in London, at the Olympics. I snap my head towards her, in shock. “What?” I ask. Did I hear her right? “Be my girlfriend.” She says again, looking at me with her hazel eyes, the city lights bouncing off of them through the window. I hesitate. Can I really be official with a woman? Yes, I have feelings for her. Yes, I’m falling for her. No, I don’t care about what people think. “Okay.” I whisper back._

_She smiles and leans in to kiss me again. I feel her hand run smoothly down my body and I moan when it reaches its destination._

* * *

 

_I tell Carli the next day. I expect her to be happy for me. I expect her to make a sarcastic remark, but no. “Hope, you’re going to fuck this up. You’re gonna hurt her. She can’t take being hurt by you. This isn’t one of your experiments, this impacts the whole team and when you fuck it up, they are gonna be on her side, not yours.” She said to me._

_I furrow my eye brows. “I’m not gonna fuck it up, Car. I’m falling in love with her. I’ve never felt like this before.” I tell her, looking in her eyes so she knows I’m telling the truth. She shakes her head slowly. “Okay, Solo. Just don’t do anything stupid. I’m proud of you.” She says, leaning in to give me a hug._

 

* * *

 

 

I go straight back to my room after training, like I always do. I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want to deal with them. They’re doing some sort of team-bonding exercise today. I don’t want any part of it. They don’t treat me like I’m part of the team. Hell, if they didn’t need me to help them win, I’d be back in Seattle by now. But I’m not. I’m here, in California, training for the 2015 World Cup.

 

I shake my head. I’m the team punching bag for the second time in my career, but this time? This time it is not from my own doing. It’s hers. She lets them treat me this way. She lets them think she’s the victim. I do too. They wouldn’t believe me if I told them the truth anyway. I sit in my room, flipping through the channels when Ali comes in from training, by herself this time. She looks at me.

 

“How’s your leg?” She asks, quietly. I look at her, surprised. “Fine.” I say, shortly. I see her nod out of the corner of my eye. I don’t feel badly for being cold with her. She’s no better than the others. She may not go out of her way to make my life miserable, but she watches it happen and does nothing to help me. “Are you coming to the hunt?” She asks. I look at her. “Why would I?” She looks at me and shrugs. “You’re part of the team.” I roll my eyes. “You know as well as I do that no one wants me there. I’ll just ruin the mood.” She doesn’t respond.

 

“I want you there.” She says, quietly. “No you don’t. No one does. Kelley will be there and if I go, you know what will happen. I’m fine just staying here, where I’m not gonna get an ‘accidental’ elbow to the eye.” I respond. I hear her sigh quietly then hear a knock at the door. She answers it and Ashlyn and Kelley walk in.

 

Kelley looks at me sadly while Ashlyn refuses to give me the time of day. “You ready, Al?” Ashlyn asks. Ali nods and walks out behind her, glancing over at me on her way past. Kelley lingers for a minute. “I’ll catch up with you guys.” She says to them. Ashlyn stops. “No, Kell. Don’t let her do this to you again. She’s only gonna hurt you.” I roll my eyes.

 

“What, Solo? You have something to say?” She asks, approaching me aggressively. I look up at her and raise my eye brows, but I don’t move to stand. “What are you gonna do, Ash? Hit me?” I ask her, challengingly. Kelley moves to stand between us. “Just give me a minute, Ash. Please.” Kelley says. Ali comes back in to grab Ashlyn’s hand, dragging her out behind her. Ashlyn leaves, but not before shooting me one last glare.

 

I immediately move back in my bed to lean against the headboard. “What do you want?” I ask her, coldly. This is the first time since she hurt me that we’ve been in a room alone together. She looks down. I roll my eyes. “Kell, if you came here to make me feel badly then just leave. We both know you aren’t the victim here.” I say. I’m so sick of her playing the ‘innocent little southern girl’ card.

 

“Hope, I’m so, so sorry.” She said, softly. I shake my head. “That means nothing to me.” I respond. She nods. “I know.” She says. “Why are you here then?” I ask. I need to know what her angle is here. She looks up at me. “Come to the scavenger hunt.” She says. I scoff at her. “For what? So the team can isolate me some more? So you can allow them to? So you can play the victim? No. I’m not coming and the fact that you had the nerve to come here and ask me to, after everything you’ve done, blows my mind.” I say, angrily.

 

She sighs. “Okay.” She whispers. “Are you really gonna continue to let them think I’m this monster? Are you gonna let them continue to do this” I motion to my leg “to me?” She looks down. “I didn’t tell them that you hurt me, they just assumed. And I didn’t correct them.” She pauses. “I should have. Corrected them, I mean. You don’t deserve this.” I roll my eyes at her. “Oh, I don’t deserve to get my heart broken into a million fucking pieces and then get blamed for it?” I glare at her. She looks away. “I’ll tell them. If you want me to, I’ll tell them what happened.” I shake my head. “Don’t bother.”

 

“Well I better get down to the lobby. They’re probably waiting for me.” I nod my head at her. “Hope?” She says. I look at her expectantly. “I never stopped loving you. I made a mistake. But I never stopped loving you.” She said. I feel anger begin to well in my chest. I clench my jaw as she walks away. I don’t respond. I’m afraid of what will come out of my mouth if I do.

 

I stand up and start pacing, having nothing else to do to try and work off my anger. She fucking breaks my heart. She breaks my heart into a million fucking pieces then she thinks she has the right to come in here and tell me she loves me? I feel the wounds that had just started to heal rip open again. Tears well in my eyes and I let them fall. I sit on the ground and bring my knees to my chest, curling my shoulders in and before I know it, I’m sobbing, by myself.

 

I hear the door open. I jump to my feet and turn my back to the door, wiping at my face frantically. “Sorry, I forgot my phone. Are you okay?” Ali asks. I stay with my back turned. “I’m fine.” I say. She must have believed me, or she just doesn’t care, because the next thing I know, I hear the door close and I’m alone, once again.


	2. Chapter 2

I avoided Kelley as much as I could for the past three days. It wasn’t a difficult task considering the girls keep her away from me at all times. The only time we interact is when she’s on my backline at training and that is strictly professional. We have a game in four days, on Sunday. It will be the second of our four pre-world cup friendlies.

 

I decide to get out of the room for a while so I grab my stuff and walk downstairs and out of the hotel. San Jose is a gorgeous city and our hotel is around plenty of shops and cafes so I window shop for a while before stopping to grab some coffee and unwind. I sit down at a booth, near a window, in the back of the small café, watching as faces pass by.

 

I should be excited about the world cup. It’s our chance. My chance. It’s my chance to win gold. But I’m dreading the next three months of my life. I can’t get away from her, from them. I’m stuck here, playing for a team that doesn’t have my back.

 

I don’t blame them for assuming. My reputation isn’t something I’m proud of. What bothers me is that they didn’t ask. They didn’t ask what happened, they didn’t ask me how I felt, not even Carli. If they had asked, they would know that she was the one who broke my heart. She put me back together and then she broke me again.

 

* * *

 

 

_I’m sitting on the bus, putting in my headphones when I see her. She’s perky, energetic, gorgeous, and coming my way. I pretend to be busy on my phone, hoping she’ll go away, but she doesn’t get the point. My teammates look at her, in shock, as she sits down next to me. “I’m Kelley O’Hara, I don’t think we’ve met”_

_I sigh in response. This is gonna be a long ride to the field. “Hope Solo.” I respond. She rolls her eyes at me. “Well obviously.” I see my teammates snickering to each other so I send a glare their way, shutting them up. “Do you need something?” I ask her. “Well no. Other than a place to sit.” I roll my eyes. “There’s plenty of seats up front. Go sit there.” She looks at me and bats her eyes. “Pleeeeease can I sit here? Please?” I look at her. There’s something about her. Maybe it’s the freckles that cover her face. Maybe it’s her eyes. Whatever it is, it makes me cave._

_“Whatever.” I say, moving my bag under my seat so she can get more comfortable. I hear a few gasps and the team start laughing, along with Kelley. I look around, trying to see who got pranked. But they’re looking at me. “What?” I ask. Kelley looks at me. “I may have made a bet with Pinoe that I could get you to let me sit with you. No one thought I could.” I look at her with wide eyes. Fuck._

_I look at their laughing faces. I hear Pinoe yell something about me being ‘tamed.’ I feel my face get hot and I sink down in my seat, mumbling to myself. This fucking kid is gonna be the death of me._

* * *

 

 I wake up with a start, looking around frantically. It’s dark. I look to my left and see Ali sleeping soundly and finally remember where I am. I look at the clock. 3 AM. I’ve had trouble sleeping since I’ve been here. I sigh and sit up, rubbing my face. There’s no way I’m getting any more sleep tonight.

 

I put on my shoes and grab my room key. “Hope?” Fuck. I look at Ali, who’s now sitting up in her bed. “It’s okay. Go back to sleep.” She rubs her eyes and looks at me. “What’s wrong?” I sigh. “Nothing. I’m okay. Please go back to sleep. I’ll be back later.” I start walking out.

 

“I know she hurt you.” I freeze. My eyes widen. Had Kelley told her? “What?” She stands up, walking towards me. I lean against the desk that’s behind me. “Calm down. She didn’t say anything. I can see it in your eyes. The pain.” I look down.

 

“No. I’m okay. It was my fault.” I’m pleading with her to believe me. She stands in front of me, looking at me expectantly. She knows I’m lying. “Please, just drop it.” I say, desperately. She shakes her head. “No.” She whispers, grabbing my hand. She looks up at me. “Tell me.” She says, leaving no room for me to argue.

 

I feel my eyes fill with unfallen tears. “Why do you care?” I look down at her. She looks back, patiently. “Because you’re about to break, Hope. I see you wearing down. I see the hurt that her presence causes you. You have to let someone in. If you don’t, you’ll always be alone.” I scoff at her.

 

“I’m used to being alone.” It’s true. My whole life, I’ve been alone, even as a child. “Well you aren’t anymore.” I furrow my eye brows and look away. “It would be easier for you to just ignore me like everyone else.” She nods. “It would be easier. But that’s not what I’m gonna do.” I sigh. Why does she have to be so fucking patient?

 

* * *

 

 

_We’re at a club that’s right down the street from the hotel. I’m sitting at the bar, looking at my dancing teammates. I laugh at Sydney, who’s trying to teach Christie how to twerk. Kelley walks into my sightline. She looks at me and smiles, before making her way over. She stands in between my legs, looking up at me. My breath hitches._

_It’s just how Kelley is. She doesn’t know what personal space means. “You look so lonely over here. Come dance.” I roll my eyes. “Yea right. I can’t dance.” She smirks, she fucking smirks at me. “I’ll teach you.” She pulls my hand and I take one long sip of my drink before being dragged to the dance floor._

_It starts out friendly enough, with her just dancing in front of me, telling me to ‘loosen up.’ Soon, though, her ass is grinding into my front and I’m biting my lip to keep from moaning. She has her hands on my ass, guiding my hips to the beat. I keep my own respectfully on her hips, unsure of what else to do with them._

_After a few songs, I can’t take it anymore. “Okay, I’m done.” I say, as I turn to walk back to the bar. I don’t make it far, though. I feel her grab my wrist and spin me back towards her so we’re facing each other. “No you aren’t.” She whispers in my ear. Fuck._

_I look down at her. I could kiss her. I probably shouldn’t. But I want to. Fuck it. I lift her chin and lean in, giving her time to pull away, but she doesn’t. She meets me half way and my knees become weak at the feeling. She pulls away first. “Let’s get back to our room.” She whispers seductively in my ear. Holy shit. I don’t resist when she grabs my wrist, leading me back to the hotel._

* * *

 

I wake up in the morning in Ali’s arms, in Ali’s bed. My eyes widen and I look around frantically. We’re clothed. Thank god. Then, all at once, the memories of last night come flooding back. I told her everything. I cried. She wiped my tears. I cursed. She whispered reassuring words. I fell. She held me.

 

She didn’t pity me. She didn’t second guess me. She cupped my face and told me everything was gonna be okay. I believe her.

 

I jump, not expecting the alarm to sound. Time to get ready for training. I get up and brush my teeth, steeling myself for the day ahead. When I get back into the room, Ali is already changed. I sigh. “I’m sorry. About last night, I mean.” I feel badly that she had to deal with me.

 

She stands, walking towards me. “Don’t be sorry.” She rubs my arm as she walks past me and into the bathroom. I walk down to the bus without her, sitting in my usual spot, alone. When Ali gets on the bus, she walks past Ashlyn, who furrows her eye brows at her. The team watches as she makes her way towards me. Sitting next to me. I look at her, shocked. “What are you doing?” I whisper, looking at the disgusted faces of my teammates.

 

“Sitting next to you.” I roll my eyes at her. I cross my arms and look out the window, not allowing her to see the small smile that I couldn’t stop from forming on my face.

 

* * *

 

 

_“I’ve heard some bad things about you.” She whispers from her place next to me. “Like what?” I look over at her. We’re laying in my bed in our hotel room. “That you close people out when you get scared. That you’re not going to commit to me. That I’m a temporary thing.” I roll my eyes.“Who said that to you? Alex? Carli? Who?” She shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter.” I sit up, getting frustrated. “Well regardless of who said it, it isn’t true.”_

_“No?” She asks. I roll my eyes. “You need to stop listening to other people. I’m here, Kell. I haven’t closed you out. I’m committed to you and you are not a temporary thing to me.” Her eyes light up and it instantly calms me. “Really?” She’s speaking quietly, cautiously. Like I’ll break if she’s too loud. I rub my face._

_“If we’re gonna work you’re gonna have to trust me. I know it’s not easy. I know I don’t have the best reputation. I know everyone thinks I’m going to end up hurting you, but I’m not going to hurt you, Kell. I’m..” I pause and close my eyes before looking down at her. “Kell, I’m fucking falling in love with you. So please just stop listening to what everyone else says and trust me.” I see something flash in her eyes._

_She sits up next to me. “Really?” She looks nervous. I cup her face and look directly in her eyes. “Really.” I kiss her before she can say anything in response, but she pulls back. I steel myself for rejection. I look at my hands, playing with my fingers. Anything to keep her from seeing the vulnerability that is written all over my face._

_She grabs my chin, forcing me to look at her. She studies my eyes for what feels like an eternity before she finally says something. “I’m falling in love with you too. So please, please don’t break my heart.” I smile, relieved that I didn’t just make an embarrassment out of myself. “I won’t.” I promised, before laying her down._

* * *

 

I kept my promise.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn't the longest chapter, but the next one will be pretty long to make up for it! Let me know what you think! :)

We beat Ireland with no issue. Abby scored two and Julie scored one. My backline didn’t have any problem holding off their offense. Monday was recovery day so I basically just met my requirements then spent the day in my room until we had to get on the bus to head to Carson, CA, where our next friendly is. Ali sits next to me during the bus ride. We both ignore Ashlyn, who turns around to shoot us a glare every 20 or so minutes.

 

Being around the team gets worse and worse as time goes on. They’ve become more open with their humiliation tactics. Of course, it’s not everyone who does it. But no one has defended me either, other than Ali. She tries to intervene when they start coming at me, but she isn’t always there. And even when she does say something, it doesn’t stop them. It’s nice to have someone on my side, though.

 

Every day, it’s something different. Tuesday it’s a shove in the locker room from Ash, who doesn’t like my new friendship with Ali. Wednesday it’s a comment from Carli. “You’re a piece of shit” is what she said as she walked by me in the hallway. I smiled at her in response.

 

Thursday was the worst of it, with an elbow in the mouth from Abby when she was taking a header. She tried to say it was an accident, but everyone knew otherwise. I tasted blood for the next 2 hours. I keep my mouth shut though.

 

I wake up at 5 on Friday morning and walk out to the lobby, preparing to go grab some coffee from the café.  On my way out, I see Kelley, sitting on a couch in the lobby. I try sneaking out unseen, but we make eye contact. Shit. I contemplate ignoring her, but decide against it. I walk over to her, sitting down next to her on the opposite end of the couch. “What are you doing, Kelley?”

 

She looks at me, bags under her eyes. “I couldn’t sleep.” I nod. “Me either.” We sit in silence for a few minutes, neither of us knowing what to say.

 

“I’m never going to have another chance with you, am I?” I sigh, shaking my head. “I’ll never be able to trust you again.” She nods in understanding. “There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t regret it.” I look down. I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t respond.

 

“If I asked you for one more chance, would you give it to me?” I shake my head. “I can’t do this.” I whisper, standing up. She doesn’t try and stop me when I walk away.

 

I walk outside, needing some fresh air. I can’t let Kelley back in. Not now. Not ever. Like I said, I wouldn’t be able to trust her. I wouldn’t be able to be with her without second guessing everything she said. I shake my head. Why am I even thinking about this?

 

I start walking towards the café. Of course I love her. Who doesn’t love Kelley? She’s gorgeous, she’s funny, she’s the smartest person I know. But she also ruined everything that we had built together. It’s been 6 months since it happened and the pain hasn’t lessened. If anything, it’s gotten worse.

 

I have to see her every day. A reminder of what could have been. A reminder of what she did. A reminder of the constant ache that fills my chest. She was my world, at one point. Now she’s just a part of it. A painful, part of it. I sigh as I walk into the café. I have to protect myself this time.

 

* * *

 

 

_I’m on a flight from New York to Seattle. I told Kelley I wouldn’t be back until next week, but my interview got cancelled so I figured it would be more fun to surprise her. I’d normally be filled with anxiety from being on this plane, miles above the ground._

_Right now though, I’m nervous about something else entirely. Kelley and I have been together for 2 and a half years. I’ve never been more in love with someone. I’ve never trusted someone so completely, never given my whole self to another person. But there’s something about Kelley._

_My mind shifts to the small box that’s in my suitcase, under the plane. I’d gotten it in New York after considering it for a while. I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life. I want to marry Kelley O’Hara._

_My plane lands and I make my way off the plane as quickly as I can. I wait for my luggage and immediately check to make sure the ring is where I left it. I put it in my jacket pocket. I’m still not sure when I’m going to do it. Maybe tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Whenever the timing feels right. I’m not planning anything over the top. I’d fuck it up if I tried planning something._

_I get in the taxi I called for and head off to my house, our house. I asked her to move in with me after we got home from London. 2 years ago. It was fast, but I knew what I wanted, even then. I shut my eyes and think about everything she and I had gone through. We’d won an Olympic medal together. We have Pia to thank for making us roommates. If she hadn’t, would Kelley and I still have ended up together? I think so._

_I remember the first time I met Kelley’s family. They’re so different from my own. I was so nervous. Kelley had to basically drag me onto the plane to Georgia and into her family’s home. “This is Hope, my girlfriend.” She had said to them. They all hugged me, at the same time. Kelley laughed, knowing how out of my element I was._

_I smile to myself, looking out the window of the car. I love her family. They’ve become like my own. Maybe I should have told them I was buying a ring? No. The wouldn’t have been able to keep it a secret._

_We pull onto my street and I get my things together, getting out money for the driver. I walk into the house, pulling my luggage behind me. “Kell?” I call out, not hearing anyone. The TV is on and there’s dinner on the table so I know she’s here. “Kell?” I say again. Weird._

_I walk into the kitchen, noticing the table was set for two. Did she find out I was coming home early? That’s when I hear it. “Fuck! Kelley. Oh!” My stomach drops. I take slow steps to our room, my room, afraid of what I’ll find when I arrive._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't planning on posting this until tomorrow, but all of your amazing comments persuaded me to move the post date up. Your suggestions and comments were great! Keep them coming!
> 
> Next update may not be until Monday because I have a paper to write this weekend for college. D': FML

“Come find coffee with me.” Ali says. It’s Saturday afternoon. She and I haven’t left the room since our long training session this morning. I look at her and nod. “I know a place near here.” I always find a local coffee place near whatever hotel we’re in, no matter the city. We throw on some shoes and leave the room.

 

“So how’s Ash?” I know they’ve been fighting more now that Ali and I are friends. She rolls her eyes. “She’s being immature. I honestly just think she’s jealous. She thinks there’s something going on between us.” I laugh. Ali and me? Ha. Right.

 

“Well did you tell her there isn’t anything going on?” Ali looks at me and smirks. “I mean I probably could have done a better job at denying it.” I roll my eyes. “Ali.” I look down at her, disapprovingly. “What? She and I aren’t official and she’s being an asshole to you. She can suffer a little bit too.” I shake my head, but smile.

 

I open the door for her when we get to the café. “And they say chivalry is dead.” She says, dramatically. I scoff. “Oh please, Krieger. As if you’d settle for less.” We get our coffee and sit down at a booth. “Is your mouth better?” I run my tongue along the inside of my bottom lip subconsciously. “It’s healing.” I nod. She shakes her head. “It was scary. Seeing you spit blood.” I roll my eyes. “You’ve seen me get hurt worse, a busted lip is nothing.”

 

She shrugs in response. We sit in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before she breaks it. “Kelley asked about you.” I look at her. “Oh yea?” She nods. “Asked how you were doing.” I roll my eyes. “Why does she care?” Ali shrugs. “Are you still in love with her?” I clench my jaw and look away. “No.” I say, unconvincingly. She doesn’t mention it. “Are you in love with Ash?” She shakes her head. “Nope.” She replies. She’s lying. I don’t mention it.

 

“You don’t have to torture her for me, you know? I can deal with her.” Ali looks down. “She’s become someone that I don’t know anymore. A stranger. The woman I knew with would never get physical with a teammate, even to defend a friend. I can’t be with someone like that. Especially now that I know the truth.” I bite my lips, but don’t respond.

 

“I talked to Kelley yesterday.” She looks at me from across the table, skeptically. “She asked me if I’d ever consider giving her another chance.” She scoffs. “She’s really something.” I nod in agreement. “I can’t believe she’s letting the team treat you like this. I still think you should tell them.” I shake my head. I can’t tell them. “I don’t want to tell them.”

 

“Why not? It would save you from being treated like shit.” I shake my head. “I don’t want them to look at Kelley differently.” She rolls her eyes. I shoot her a light glare. “She is the one who fucked up, Hope, not you. I can’t believe you’re taking the heat for her.” I shrug.

 

“Plus, I feel like I shouldn’t have to tell them. They should have asked me what happened from the start instead of jumping to conclusions. If they had asked, I would have told them the truth.” She looks down. “I’m sorry that I didn’t ask you. I mean, Kelley’s just always seemed so…” She struggles to find the word. “Innocent” I finish for her. She nods. “Yeah. She just doesn’t seem like the type to do that and you..well you don’t have the best reputation and..” I cut her off, not needing to hear anymore. “I know, Ali. It’s fine. I get it.” She looks at me apologetically.

 

I sigh and stand up. “Come on, princess. Let’s go watch a movie.” She follows me. Once we get back to the room, we find a cheesy rom-com to put on.

 

We spend the remainder of the night in the room, finding shitty movies to watch on the TV. We only leave to go to team dinner, where she and I sat at a table alone. She ignores the looks she gets from the team. I don’t though. I send glares to everyone I see look our way. Assholes.

 

* * *

 

 

_I open the bedroom door, slowly. What I see makes bile rise in my throat. The first thing I notice is their clothes, thrown carelessly on the floor. I see Ann, in our, in my bed. Her head thrown back, eyes shut. Then I look down to see Kelley in between her legs. I physically feel my heart shatter inside of my chest. I drop my phone on the ground._

_Their heads snap up. I look at her, allowing her to look into my eyes. To see what she’s done. She looks back at me, in shock. “Hope” She whispers. I shake my head and back up before turning and walking away. “Hope” I hear her call. I ignore her, wiping the few tears that escaped from my eyes. I go outside and sit on the back deck._

_I could run. I could leave and find a bar. Drink my problems away. But I don’t. I stay and I sit. I don’t allow myself to cry. She doesn’t deserve to see me cry. She doesn’t deserve to comfort me. I hear the front door close and I know Ann is gone. Ann is Kelley’s best friend. Or that’s what she told me, at least._

_I shake my head, berating myself for being so stupid. I hear her open the back door and walk out. She sits next to me silently. “Hope” She says. She’s crying. I don’t need to look at her to know, I can hear it in her voice. I don’t respond. “Say something.” I scoff. “I don’t think you’re in a position to tell me what to do.”_

_She nods, slowly. “How long?” I need to know. She looks away and I feel the ache in my chest hurt just a little bit more. “Two months.” I close my eyes. I’m a fucking idiot. “How many times?” She rubs her face. “Hope, I really don’t think-“ I cut her off. “How many fucking times, Kelley?” She sighs. “I don’t know. A couple times a week.” I laugh, dryly. “So when I left to go see my mom in the hospital and you said you couldn’t come because you didn’t feel well?” She puts her face in her hands, leaning against her knees. I shake my head, looking up, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall._

_“Are you in love with her?” She shakes her head. “I’m in love with you.” She answers. “Bullshit. If you loved me, this wouldn’t be happening.” She doesn’t respond._

_“Why?” My voice cracks. She looks at me and I look back at her. “I don’t know. I wish I had answers for you, I do. I just..It happened once. Then again. And again. And again. I wasn’t thinking. I made a mistake.” I roll my eyes. I feel a calm wash over me. “A mistake is when you forget to pick up milk from the store. When you drop a coffee mug on the floor and break it. This. What you did. That was no mistake. You knew what you were doing. It didn’t happen once, Kelley, it happened over and over again for two fucking months. Two months.” I look her dead in the eyes. I don’t yell, I don’t falter. She looks away first._

_I sigh and shake my head. I’m done talking. “I’ll go to a hotel for the night. You can pack what you want. I’ll be back tomorrow night. I expect you to be gone.” I need to get out of here. I stand up. “Baby, please.” She looks up at me. I shake my head. “You don’t get to call me that anymore, Kelley. Not when you were just making another woman scream your fucking name. I hope she was worth it.” I say, angrily, before walking out. I don’t allow myself to cry until I get to a nearby hotel. I sit in my car, allowing myself to feel._

_I lean against the steering wheel, gasping for air, as sobs wrack through my body. I feel something sharp pressing against my rib cage. I reach into my jacket and pull out that small box that I was so nervous about just hours ago. I open it and look at the ring, before throwing it, as hard as I can, at the floor. “Fuck” I scream, so loudly I feel my throat immediately ache. I lay my head on the steering wheel and allow myself to feel the pain as I stare at that small box, that’s sitting on the floor of my car, haunting me._

_I went back to my home the next night to find Kelley gone. But her presence remained. The pictures, her scent, the slippers that she left sitting on the floor next to her side of the bed. She left a note on the table. “I hope that one day you’ll forgive me. I love you, Hope. Please, believe that. –K” It read. I crumpled it, throwing it in the trash._

_I walk back to my room, noticing that she changed the sheets. I can’t sleep on that bed. I walk into the bathroom and see her toothbrush. I throw it out without second thought. I look in the mirror. My eyes are red and puffy, my hair is a mess. I look like shit. I go to the kitchen and grab the bottle of vodka I keep stored in the back of the pantry._

_I walk into the living room, turn on the TV, open the bottle, and hope that one day, the pain won’t be so bad. I fell asleep on the couch that night, and every night after that up until the first day of camp. I really need to get a new bed._

* * *

 

 

We win the game on Sunday, 5-1. I made a bad decision, coming out for a ball I should have stayed back on. But regardless, we won easily. Abby scored two, Syd scored two, and Lori scored one. We’re down to one more friendly in Harrison, New Jersey. Our flight leaves on Monday, after everyone finishes their recovery requirements.

 

It was training on Wednesday when all hell broke loose. Kelley was running into the box, ball at her feet. Her against me. I made my decision and ran towards her, covering the ball, tripping her up as I did. I got up, immediately walking over to her. I bent over, looking at her. “You okay?” She squinted up at me, sun in her eyes.

 

“Yea. I’m fine.” I reached down to help her up when I felt someone push me. Hard. I hit the ground and looked up, furrowing my eye brows. “What the fuck?” I said, loudly. Carli stood over me. “You don’t know what you’re doing, do you? You piece of shit. That was a stupid move. You could have fucking hurt her. Just stay the fuck away.” She said, nastily. I looked up at her.

 

“Fuck you.” I spat out. I started getting up when she brought her fist back. I fell back to the ground, covering my head with my arms, preparing for an impact that never came. I looked up to see Kelley standing next to me, facing Carli. “Just stop.” She yelled, looking around at the team who had gathered around the commotion.

 

I sat up, wearily, looking around at my teammates. “It was me, okay?” She said, loudly. I touched her ankle softly. She looked down at me and I shook my head at her. “You don’t have to do this.” She turned away. I rolled my eyes. She’d made up her mind. “Hope didn’t hurt me, I hurt her.” She blurted out. I looked down, too embarrassed to look at the faces of the people who turned their backs on me the second they had a chance.

 

“What?” I heard Carli say. I can only imagine what they’re all thinking right now. “I cheated on her. More than once, I cheated on her. She found out, she saw. That’s why we broke up. So stop giving her shit.” My stomach dropped. Great. I didn’t think she’d get into the details. I closed my eyes before reopening them. No one has said a word. The coaches haven’t come over, which means they’re letting us figure this out on our own.

 

I keep my eyes down and play with the turf, busying myself. Distracting myself. I can’t break in front of the team. Not when they hurt me just as much as Kelley did. “Wait, what the fuck?” Alex. “I cleated her the other day. Now you’re telling me she didn’t do anything wrong?” I roll my eyes to myself. Apparently if I had hurt Kelley then I would have deserved it.

 

“No one asked me what happened. I told you we broke up and you all just assumed it was her fault. I should have corrected you. I should have told you. But I didn’t expect you all to turn on her the way you did and once it got to that point, I just thought it was too late.” I looked up at Kelley, who had her back turned towards me. I could feel the tension in the air. No one knew what to say.

 

I looked at Carli, who looked like she had just been told Santa Claus isn’t real. She had her hands on her hips and was looking at the turf. “So this whole time, you let us blame her and didn’t think to mention the fact that you’re the one who fucked up?” Ashlyn. I looked up at Kelley who shrugged and looked down. “I’m sorry.” She said, looking around.

 

I felt someone come up behind me and grab under my arms, lifting me to my feet. Ali. I looked at her for a second before looking down, once again. Fuck. I need to get out of here. I look up, frantically looking at my teammates. Their faces showed emotions that ranged from anger, to confusion, to guilt. I turned towards the locker rooms and walked away. “Hope” I hear Ali call out after me.

 

“I need to go.” I tell Jill as I walk by. “Hope, we aren’t done here.” I ignore her. I walk into the locker room and finally allow tears to fall. I get my bag, change my clothes and start walking back to the hotel. It’s only about a 10-minute bus ride so walking shouldn’t take more than an hour. I can only imagine the awkward conversation the team is having right now. They’re probably all looking at each other, trying to decide what to do. I roll my eyes. Idiots.

 

I hear footsteps behind me and turn around to see Ali running after me. “What are you doing? Jill is gonna be pissed.” I say, wiping my face. “She’ll be fine. Are you okay?” I shake my head, biting my lips. She nods in understanding. “Okay. Just hold it in. Hold it in until we get to the hotel. Can you do that?” She knows I don’t like to cry, especially in public. I nod my head. She grabs my hand and doesn’t let go until we arrive back at our hotel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already had this chapter written and ready to go when you all made suggestions so please don't think I ignored them! If you have anymore please let me know because next chapter is only half-written! :) Though I do have a general idea of where I want to take this
> 
> P.S. Gold star for STW73 for your prediction!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a day earlier than I told you it would be. Hope you don't mind! :) Let me know what you think!

_I’m standing at the top of the box, waiting to hear the final whistle. I look at Kelley, who tracks down a Japanese forward and clears the ball. The official blows the whistle and the crowd erupts. We did it. We won. Olympic gold medalists. I jump up, raising my arms in the air. I feel my legs moving before it registers in my mind that I’m moving towards Kelley. I lift her in my arms, hugging her._

_She won that tournament for us. She learned a new position and played it like she’d been doing it her whole life. She played every minute. “We did it.” I hear her whisper in my ear. “I knew we would.” I respond. I put her down just in time to feel Pinoe jump on my back and before we know it, we’re surrounded by our teammates, celebrating our win._

* * *

 

Ali stayed in the room with me all day. Jill texted me, letting me know she understands why I left. Great. Now the staff knows too. As soon as I got into our room, I let out the tears I had been holding in. I flopped down on my bed, allowing Ali to rub my back, doing her best to comfort me.

 

“I don’t want them to pity me.” I look at her. “They won’t, Hope. If anything, they’re gonna feel like assholes.” I wipe my face of the tears. “I just don’t know how to let it go. I can’t trust them. They completely turned on me the second they thought I was in the wrong.” She sighs. “You trust me.” I nod. “Yea, but you asked me what happened. You went against the team and you had my back when no one else did.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry, I wish I had answers for you, but I don’t. I don’t know what I would do if I were in your position.” She looks at me, apologetically. I sigh just as my phone goes off. Kelley. I open the text and read it, out loud, to Ali. “I’m sorry it took me so long to do that. I should have told them sooner.” I roll my eyes. “I’m not responding.” I say, putting my phone back down.

 

I’m watching a movie with Ali when I get a text from Christie, letting me know she called a team meeting before dinner. Great. “Did she text you too?” I look at Ali, who nods. “This is gonna be fucking terrible.” I say mostly to myself. She touches my shoulder. “They’re all gonna have their tails between their legs, begging you for forgiveness.” I scoff at her. Fuck them. They don’t deserve my forgiveness. I’m here to win a world cup, that’s what I’m gonna do.

 

* * *

 

 

_I wake up and look around, groggily searching for the sound that woke me. My phone. I pick it up, squinting at the brightness of the screen. My head is pounding. “Hello” I croak out. “You’re a fucking idiot, Hope.” I furrow my eye brows. “Car?” I sit up, putting a hand to my head. I need Advil. “I told you that you were gonna hurt her. You said you wouldn’t. You’re a fucking liar.”_

_“What are you talking about?” I hear her scoff. “Alex told me Kelley called her crying last night. What did you do?” I roll my eyes. “I didn’t-“ She cuts me off. “You know what? I don’t care anymore. I hope you’re happy. You broke her heart. Don’t expect me to have your back this time.” She hangs up._

_My eyes fill with tears against my will. She didn’t even fucking ask me what happened. I can’t believe Kelley didn’t tell Alex that she’s the one at fault. I laugh, dryly, to myself. Figures. Camp should be fun._

 

* * *

 

Ali walks into the conference room by my side. Everyone turns towards me. I look down. Ali glares at them, their guilty faces. We find two empty seats and sit down. She puts her hand on my thigh in support. I snap my head up, making eye contact with Ash, who looks conflicted by the action. I’m dreading this. I don’t feel like hearing about how sorry they are, or listen to them blame my reputation for their assumption.

 

I look at Kelley, who’s sitting at the front of the room looking straight ahead. Carli walked in, looking at me, guiltily, on her way past. Christie came in last, closing the door behind her. I grab Ali’s hand, nervously. She looks over at me and nods. “It’ll be okay.” She whispers in my ear. I send her a slight nod in response.

 

“Alright, clearly we have a conflict here. I don’t want to make this awkward for anyone, but we have to figure this out. If we want to win this summer, we have to be able to work with each other. Right now, I don’t see us getting past the round of sixteen.” The room is silent. I can feel the tension in the air.

 

Christie doesn’t say anything. She looks around at the team and waits for someone to take the lead. She sighs. “Okay. I guess I’ll start. Hope, you probably hate us. I get that.” She looks at me. “I’d probably hate us too. I’m sorry that I allowed this to happen. You know that Kelley has a special place in my heart and when I thought you broke her, I stopped being a good team captain. A good captain would have done what was best for the team, would have stopped them from isolating you. I’m sorry I didn’t. And I’m sorry I assumed.” I keep my eyes at the ground. I don’t want to hear this. The room is once again filled with silence.

 

No one says a word. No one makes a sound. “Seriously?” I hear Ali say. I look at her. She stands. “You really have nothing to say for yourselves? You acted like you were in high school, ganging up on her. Carli, you were her best friend and you didn’t even have the decency to ask her what actually happened? To see if she was okay? You should all be ashamed.” She’s almost yelling at them. I look up at her, then back down at the ground. This is a fucking blast. I shake my head.

 

Ali looks around at everyone and scoffs before sitting back down, grabbing my hand. “I’m sorry.” I hear. Carli. She stands slowly, looking at me. I look up at her, hesitantly. I shake my head at her. “I don’t know what to say to you. Nothing I say will make up for what happened, what we did. Yes, we’re all assholes. We jumped to conclusions and yes, I should have had your back. I’m fucking sorry, Hope, I’m so sorry.” She looks at me desperately. I clench my jaw, looking at the ground.

 

I’m done with this. I shouldn’t have to be here. I didn’t do anything wrong. Why am I still suffering? I look up, scanning the room. I stand up, slowly. “Honestly, this is a pointless meeting.” I shake my head before continuing. “I can’t trust any of you. We’re supposed to be professional soccer players. I was prepared to come into camp and act professionally, to not treat Kelley any differently. Even though she did what she did, I wasn’t gonna treat her differently.” I look at Kelley, who is still facing forward. She hasn’t looked at anyone since she’s arrived. I look at Carli. “You. You fucking hurt me. You hurt me so badly.” I look her in the eyes. She immediately breaks eye contact, looking down.

 

“You all did. You all treated me like I didn’t matter. How do you expect me to just brush this off? To play behind you and trust that, if it comes down to it, you’ll have my back? I can’t.” I pause, scanning the room. “I don’t know what else to say. I don’t think this is an issue that’s going to get resolved any time soon. I’m here to win a world cup. That’s what you’re all here to do, too. You’re my teammates, not my friends. It’s that simple.” I wait a few seconds to see if anyone else has something to say, but when all I hear is silence, I start to leave.

 

“Hope” I stop and turn around. Pinoe. I look at her, skeptically, unsure of whether she’s gonna try and make a joke of this or not. “I have your back now. You don’t have to believe me, but you should know.” I give her a slight nod, before walking out. Well that was just as miserable as I expected it to be.

 

I get back to my room and check my phone. About 45 minutes after I left the meeting, Ali finally comes in. I glance up at her. “What took so long?” She flops down on my bed, looking up at me. “You missed a lot.” I raise my eye brows. “Yea?” She nods.

 

“Well no one said anything for a few minutes after you left. It was super awkward. Then ARod kind of went off.” I furrow my eye brows. “ARod?” She nods. “Yea. She basically said that there was no fixing it and that they were all fuck ups and to just give you space. Then that got Lauren going. She had a lot to say to Kelley. She called her a coward a couple of times and told her she doesn’t deserve someone like you.” I tilt my head.

 

“Did Kelley respond?” I’m curious. “No. She just nodded at what Lauren was saying. Then she walked out. After that everyone kind of left awkwardly. No one knew what to say.” I shake my head. “This is crazy. Training tomorrow is gonna be hell.” Ali nods.

 

“Ash pulled me aside after the meeting.” I raise my eye brows. “She said she understands why I had your back so hard. She said she was sorry for how she acted. I don’t know. I believe her, I guess. But I don’t know if I want to be with her. She asked me to go to dinner with her on Friday.” I scoff. “Did you say yes?” She nods. “I did. I want to know what she has to say about everything. We’ll see what happens.”

 

I give her a small smile. “Hopefully it goes well. You really do deserve the best.” I say, quietly. She smiles. “You are sweet.” She says, poking my thigh. I look down, playing with hem of my shirt. “It’s true. Ash needs to get her shit together before you get tired of waiting.” She nods. “I mean I’m not really helping the situation, but she’s certainly not either.” I nod in understanding.

 

“You do realize you have to talk to Kelley at some point, right? Like about what happened?” I snap my head up to look at her. “Why would I do that? I know all I need to know.” Why would she even suggest me talking to her?

 

“Hope, you need closure. It’s clear that you’re still hurt and confused by everything that happened and you aren’t ever gonna be able to move on completely until you talk to her, especially because you see her every day.” I roll my eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

“I know you don’t. I know. But you have to. No one wants to have difficult conversations, but I promise you. I promise it will help in the long run.” I nod. “It probably would. I’m not doing it though.” Ali looks at me disappointedly. “I can’t make you. But I will say that it’s for the best. If you don’t talk, you’ll always wonder why. You’ll wonder what happened. You’ll ask yourself ‘what if’.” I sigh.

 

“We’ll see.” It’s the best she’s gonna get from me and she knows it. So she drops it.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Training the next morning goes as well as expected. Everyone is walking on egg shells and it’s clear that there’s an awkward tension in the air. Alex missed shots, Ash missed saves, Kelley missed tackles. Jill isn’t happy with our performance and she makes that clear by keeping us for an extra hour. By the time it’s over, we’re all exhausted.

 

The bus ride back to the hotel is silent. Ali and I are walking up to our room when I hear my name being called. I turn to find Alex following me, jogging to catch up. “Can I talk to you? Please?” I nod in response. I know I’ll probably be forced to have some awkward conversations with my teammates. I might as well start now. “I’ll be there in a little bit.” I tell Ali before turning and approaching Alex.

 

“What’s up?” I ask. She sighs. “How’s your leg?” I roll my eyes. “That’s what you want to talk about? My leg? My leg is fine. I have some bruises and a couple cuts that are mostly healed, but it’s fine.” She nods. “Fuck. I’m sorry. About everything. Kelley is my best friend. She didn’t tell me what she did. I still shouldn’t have allowed all of this to happen.” I shrug. “It wasn’t just you. Everyone played a part.” I turn to leave.

 

“She loves you, you know.” I freeze and turn to face her. “Well I don’t love her anymore. She destroyed that.” She doesn’t respond. I turn and leave, walking into my room. When I check my phone, I have a text from Kelley.

 

“Can we please talk? I know I don’t deserve anything, but please?” I roll my eyes. She has some nerve. I think back to what Ali said to me last night. I sigh, knowing she was right. I respond. “Fine. Ash and Ali have a date tomorrow night. Come to my room at 6.” I press send before I allow myself to change my mind. I know I have to talk to her at some point. It’s the only way I’m ever gonna be able to move on.

 

* * *

 

 

_“What are you doing?” I watch as Kelley approaches me, predatorily. “Don’t even think abo-“ She cuts me off with a fist full of flour being thrown onto my face. I freeze, looking at her. She’s smirking, victoriously. “You are gonna regret that.” I wipe my face and grab her shirt before she can run away, taking the bowl of brownie mix and dumping it on her head._

_She screams, loudly and I laugh hysterically as she crosses her arms and pouts at me, brownie mix covering her hair and face. “That was way worse than a little flour in the face.” She looks at me. I smirk. “I didn’t realize there were boundaries.” She glares at me. Then I see her eyes light up. She approaches me, once again. She cups her hand and scoops two handfuls of the mix off of her own head. “Kell, do-“_

_Before I know it, I have sugary batter covering my face and I’m glaring at her. She’s lucky she’s so fucking cute._

_That was the first and last time I ever baked anything with Kelley._

* * *

 

 

“You’ll tell me what happens?” Ali is getting ready for her date with Ashlyn and I’m trying not to get nervous thinking about what Kelley wants to talk about. “Yea. I’ll tell you.” She’s frantically trying to decide between two pairs of skinny jeans. “I like the darker ones.” I offer. She nods. “Me too.”

 

After she leaves with Ash, who refuses to make eye contact with me, I only have a few minutes before Kelley will be here. I pace, nervously. This is either going to go really well or really bad. I’m afraid to find out which it’s gonna be.

 

I hear a knock at the door and let her in. “Hey.” She whispers as she’s walking past me into the room. I don’t respond. I motion for her to sit. She complies and looks up at me, but doesn’t say anything. I stand awkwardly for a minute, before sitting on Ali’s bed, facing Kelley.

 

“So…?” She starts, hoping to get the conversation started. I sigh. “What do you want to talk about?” She’s the one who wanted to talk, not me. She shrugs. “We need to be able to work together. You may hate me, but we have to be able to work around it.” I roll my eyes. “I’ve been nothing but professional.” She nods. “Yea. I guess you’re right.”

 

We sit in an awkward silence. A part of me wants to ask her what happened. Why she destroyed everything we had built. Another part of me doesn’t care. Doesn’t want to know. But if I don’t ask about it, I’ll always wonder what happened. I sigh.

 

“Will you tell me what happened? With her. Will you just tell me? Please?” I know it’s not necessarily something she wants to tell me, but the part of me that wants to know is currently outweighing the part of me that doesn’t. She raises her eye brows at me. “Are you sure?” She looks at me. I nod.

 

She nods back at me. “Okay.” She takes a deep breath before beginning. “You were in LA, filming an interview. I invited Ann over for dinner, like I had done so many times before. She just, she was acting so differently that night.” I look down, picking at my jeans, busying myself. “She flirted, which she’d never done in the past. She kept touching me. I didn’t go along with it, Hope. At first, I pushed her away. I let her know I loved you.”

 

I shake my head. She continues, “Then we had some beer, we had dinner and we talked. I don’t know how it escalated so quickly. She just, she kissed me and I kissed her back. Then we moved to the bedro-“ I cut her off. I can’t hear about this. “Okay, I don’t need to hear any more.” She nods. I look at her. “Why did you keep doing it? If you knew it was wrong, why did you do it multiple times?” She looks down.

 

“I..I felt, I don’t know. I felt desirable. I felt wanted. It’s not that you didn’t make me feel that way, it was just different. New.” Tears fill my eyes against my will. I keep my eyes down. “I can’t explain it. She just knew my weaknesses and used them against me. She was the initiator, not me.” I roll my eyes. “So every time you went to ‘hang out’ with her, you were actually…” I trail off. Kelley wipes her face and nods. “Pretty much.” At least she’s being honest.

 

I nod, in understanding. Neither of us know what else to say. I’m struggling to control the tears that threaten to escape. I glance up to see her sitting with her head in her hands. “Are you with her now?” I need to know if this has turned into a long-term thing. She shakes her head quickly. “I haven’t seen her since that night. She’s tried to contact me, but I’ve ignored her.” I nod, slowly.

 

“I bought a ring.” I blurt out. Her head snaps up to look at me. “What?” She says, eyes wide. “When I was in New York. The night I caught you, I had a ring. I was..I was gonna ask you to..you know.” She doesn’t respond. She just looks at me with wide eyes, that are quickly filling with tears. I look away. If I keep looking at her, I’m gonna start crying too.

 

“You..you had a ring?” She furrows her eye brows, tears finally escaping from her eyes. I nod, wiping my hands against my pants. “Yea.” I pause. “I had been thinking about it for months. So when I was there, I decided to buy it. I was ready.” I say, nodding slowly. I hear a sob and glance up. She’s sitting, bent over with her head down, body shaking. Her hands on her knees. “You were really going to propose to me?” She says with a teary smile. Fuck. I feel my own tears make their way down my face.

 

“I was.” I wipe my face, trying to blink back my tears, unsuccessfully. “I ruined everything, didn’t I?” I hesitate and bite my lips before nodding slowly. She stands and moves to sit next to me. I glance up at her, my body stiffening. “I’m so sorry.” She whispers, bringing a hand to my face, wiping my tears. She brings her other hand to my face, holding it, forcing me to look her in the eyes.

 

“I’m so, so sorry.” She breathes out, tears running down both of our faces. I look down, shaking off her hands. “I know you are.” I sniffle and wipe my face of the tears. She stands again and crouches in front of me. She looks up at me, sadly. She doesn’t say anything; she just looks at me. I glance down at her and I break. My body starts shaking with sobs. “I hate you.” I rasp out.

 

She doesn’t respond. She pulls me to my feet and envelops me in a hug. I fight her on it for a couple seconds, then I give in. I allow her to hold me. I put my head on her shoulder and cry. She’s crying too, I can feel my shirt becoming damp from her tears. Neither of us say a word, we just stand, holding each other, one last time. “You have to let me go, Kell.” I whisper.

 

“I can’t.” She shakes her head. I squeeze her a little tighter. Kelley isn’t the person to purposely hurt anyone and I know that. “You have to. We both have to move on.” I pull back, looking down at her. She looks at me, studying my eyes. She leans up and I meet her half way, kissing her. Lips just brushing over each other, before she deepens it. I cup her face, wiping the tears that were still falling down her face.

 

We both know this kiss isn’t the start of anything, but the end. It’s a goodbye to our relationship and the start to the rest of our lives. I pull away first and pull her in for another hug. “I’m gonna miss you.” She says. I know what she means. We’ll still see each other every day, but not like this. Not how it used to be. We’re teammates, that’s it. That’s all we can be.

 

“Me too.” I whisper in response. She pulls back and looks at me. “Maybe one day we can be friends.” She says, softly. I nod in response. “One day.” I whisper. She squeezes my hand and gives me one last glance before leaving.

 

I don’t move. I watch her as she goes, as she walks away for the last time. I bite my lips and sigh. At one point, I wanted Kelley for the rest of my life. I wanted to marry her, to have children with her. Now, everything she and I built together is gone. I have to start all over again. I have to move on.

 

* * *

 

 

When Ali finally got back from dinner, I was already in bed trying to go to sleep. It’s only around 9:30, but our game against Korea Republic is tomorrow and I haven’t been sleeping well lately. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were going to sleep so early.” She whispers, walking around the room as quietly as she can, getting clothes to change into.

 

“It’s fine. I’m not gonna get much sleep tonight anyway.” She stops moving and looks at me. “It didn’t go well, did it?” I sigh and sit up in my bed. “Well I got the closure I needed.” She walks over to me and sits at the edge of my bed, next to me. “What happened?”

 

I look at her. “She told me a little bit about what happened, she told me she was sorry again, we both cried. Then we said goodbye.” She nods, understandingly. “How was dinner?” I ask, changing the subject. She smiles.

 

“It was actually really nice. We talked about everything. She really does regret how she treated you, she just doesn’t know how to apologize. We talked about our relationship and where to go from here. We both agreed that we need to commit if it’s going to work. So she asked me to be her girlfriend…officially.” I nod. “Well you said ‘yes,’ right?” She smiles. “Yea.” I smile back at her. “That’s great, Al.”

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, but after this one there will be a time lapse in the story. I love reading your comments! Let me know what you think :)

The game on Saturday reflected how well the team was getting along. We couldn’t connect passes, couldn’t capitalize on the chances we got. My defense performed well enough to stop Korea from scoring. We ended in a 0-0 draw in our last game before the world cup.

 

We got back to the hotel and everyone parted ways, making their way to their rooms. Ashlyn walked with Ali and I back to our room. She still hasn’t tried talking to me. When we’re approaching our room, I see Carli standing by our door, leaning against the wall. “Let’s go to your room for a little while.” Ali says to Ashlyn, who nods. I look at her appreciatively as they turn to walk away.

 

“What do you want?” I ask, as I get closer to her. “Please just hear me out.” I sigh, but nod, unlocking the door and motioning for her to follow me in. I put my bag down and turned to look at her. “What?” I’m getting annoyed at her silence. She showed up here, she can say what she needs to then she can leave.

 

“I’m sorry” I roll my eyes. “Is that all you wanted to say?” I know I’m being cold, but she doesn’t deserve my forgiveness. She sighs. “I fucked up, I know that. You’re closing me out and you have good reason to. All I can say is I’m sorry. If I could change the way I acted, I would. But I can’t.” I look down

 

“I needed you…I needed you and you turned your back on me. I never thought you’d do that.” I speak softly. She approaches me. “I know. I’m sorry.” I glance up at her. “You were gonna punch me in the face the other day.” I give her a small smirk. “I was. But only because I thought you were fucking with Kelley.” I shake my head.

 

“See that’s the problem. Everyone has always been on team Kelley. They’ve always had her back. But you? I thought you were the one person I could count on to have mine.” I smile, sadly. I hear her sigh. “What can I do, Hope? What can I do?” 

 

Carli has always had my back. She stuck her neck out for me multiple times throughout our friendship. Yes, she made a mistake. A huge mistake. But if I were in her shoes, I would have probably assumed the same thing. “Just don’t assume the worst of me. I know. I know you’ve had my back in the past when I did fuck up. But I didn’t do anything wrong this time. And you assumed the worst without talking to me first.”

 

She glances at me. “I know.” I sigh and sit down on the edge of my bed, looking up at her. “I don’t trust you anymore, Car. I don’t. I can’t control that. But no hard feelings, okay?” She glances at me and nods. “Okay. If that’s the best I can get.” I roll my eyes.

“I don’t know how to handle this. I can’t trust anyone anymore. I have no one watching my back, other than Ali. You just have to give me time.” She nods, understandingly. “I get it, I do. You’re wrong though. The team has your back now, Solo. They don’t know how to deal with this either. One second we all thought you were a horrible person and the next we find out you were the one who was hurt. No one thought Kelley would ever hurt you. But now that they know, now that we know, we have your back. You just have to learn to trust that.” I shrug. It’s gonna take a whole lot of time to trust anyone again.

 

“Honestly, I’m just here to win a world cup. That’s why we’re all here. I don’t have to like you guys, I don’t have to be friends with you. We just have to learn to play well together.” She rolls her eyes at me so I shoot her a glare. “Hope, you saw how we played out there today. There’s no way in hell we’re gonna be able to win a world cup without some amount of trust for each other. I know we hurt you. You don’t have to like them, but we have to figure something out. We have to find a middle ground.” I sigh and nod my head. I know she’s right.

 

* * *

 

 

After talking with Carli, I make a decision that will impact the rest of my life. The world cup will be the last international competition for me. After this tournament, I’m retiring. Not because of Kelley, not because I can’t handle it, but because I don’t want to be here anymore. My heart isn’t in it. I’ll still play for the NWSL, but not the national team. In order for me to do that and feel good about it, however, I need to make sure we win. I want to go out on a high, with a world cup under my belt.

 

I pull out my phone and start typing. “I forgive you, all of you. I know I haven’t heard from most of you, but I just want you all to know that I’m willing to move past this if you are. I want to win this cup. This is our year and I don’t want to let drama impact our placement. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I just want to focus on soccer. So let’s stop fucking around and do work.”

 

I press send and sigh. I’ll announce my retirement after the tournament. There’s no need to cause waves about it yet. The team won’t have anything to worry about anyway. Ash can handle the Olympics, they’ll be fine. They’ll win another gold without me.

 

After just a few minutes, my phone starts buzzing with replies. Apologies, motivational quotes, emojis. I just hope they can look past this and look at the bigger picture. That’s what I’m doing. That’s what I have to do to get through this summer. I can forgive them, but I’ll never forget their betrayal.

 

We have to move past this and we have to do it quickly. The world cup starts in just over a week. There’s no more time for drama, no more time for being resentful. It’s time to grow up and start to focus on the one thing we all have in common. We all want to stand on the top of that podium more than anything.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a longer update since the last one was so short! Let me know what you think!

It’s been three years since that fateful night. Three years since I watched Carli Lloyd score a hat trick in the world cup final. Three years since she ran back to celebrate with me. Three years since we stood on the top of that podium as word champions.

 

I announced my retirement following the first victory tour game. The last game that I ever played for the national team was our second victory tour game against Costa Rica. That was also the last time I saw _her_. One final glance before I left the hotel to get on my flight back to Seattle and that was it. Other than a few quick glances when Sky Blue played Seattle, I haven’t seen her since.

 

After I got home I dated a couple women, but none of them stuck around. They were either too controlling or they couldn’t handle my baggage. I still talk to Ali all the time. She’s still on the team, trying to make it one more cycle before throwing in the towel. She and Ash have become two of my best friends. After Ash finally got the nerve to apologize, she slowly, but surely earned my trust back. She left the national team after she lead them to a gold medal in Rio.

 

Carli and I are almost back to how we used to be. She kept in touch after I left the team and she earned my trust back pretty quickly. She made a mistake, but I know she has my back now. I talk to her every couple days. She’s still very dedicated to the game of soccer and, like Ali, plans to stay on the team for at least one more cycle.

 

Kelley has been with her current girlfriend for six months, according to Carli. At first, it hurt to know that she had found someone, but then I realized that she’s doing exactly what I should be. Moving on.

 

The team has a friendly this Sunday in Seattle, which means I’m going to see a lot of my old teammates. I planned a barbeque at my house for the them on Friday.

 

Currently, I’m cleaning the house in preparation for the party, which is tomorrow afternoon. My hair is thrown in a messy bun and I have no makeup on, wearing sweats. I’m mopping the floors when I hear my doorbell sound. Weird. I wasn’t expecting anyone until morning. I look out the window to see Ash and Ali standing on my doorstep.

 

I crack open the door and peek through. “Prepare yourselves. I look like shit.” I open the door, slowly. “Shut up.” Ali says, pushing the door open and pulling me into a hug. “I missed you” She says. I smile. “Me too.” I pull away and hug Ash briefly. “Why are you here? I thought you were coming to help me set up in the morning?”

 

“We figured you could use the extra help. Plus, I wanted to see how you were doing. With Kelley coming tomorrow and everything.” I roll my eyes. “I’ll be fine. I mean, I don’t even have to talk to her.” I say, motioning for them to come sit in the living room. I sit on my recliner and they sit on the couch. “Her girlfriend is nice.” _Her girlfriend._ “Is she?” Ash nods. “Kelley doesn’t love her though.” I furrow my eye brows. “I thought they were inseparable?”

 

“No. Well, I mean she follows Kelley everywhere. She’s like her shadow. But I know Kelley. She doesn’t love her. She doesn’t look at her like she looked at you.” Ash says, looking at me. I shrug. “That’s too bad.” I say, casually.

 

Ali rolls her eyes. “Listen, Solo. All three of us know you still have feelings for her.” I shake my head. “I don’t. Even if I did, it doesn’t matter.” I still don’t trust her. “Why?” Ali looks at me, expectantly. “Do you just expect me to forget what happened? Just snap my fingers and trust her again? She broke my heart once. I can’t let it happen again. I couldn’t _handle_ it if it happened again.” I stand up and walk to the kitchen, bringing back three waters.

 

“You’re both older now. In different places than you were. You really don’t think you could make it work?” I hesitate before shrugging. “I’m sure if we really wanted to we could make it work. But I don’t think that’s what I want.” Ash shrugs. “How many dates have you been on since Kelley?” I roll my eyes and shake my head. “What does that have to do with anything?” She shoots me a light glare. “Fine. Three, okay? Three dates.”

 

Ali looks surprised. “Seriously? You’re off your game.” I roll my eyes. “You’ve never thought that maybe it’s because you still aren’t over her?” Ash asks. I shake my head. “No.” I’m done with this conversation. They aren’t my matchmakers. Especially when they’re trying to match me with my cheating ex-girlfriend.

 

I stand up. “Come set up these tables while I finish mopping?” We might as well start setting up now considering they’re here. We set up tables and chairs, along with the fire pit. We make small talk, but neither of them says anything else about Kelley. Once we were finished I thanked them for helping before they left to go back to the team hotel for the night.

 

Sometimes I miss it. Being with the team, playing under the pressure of a big game. I still play for Seattle, but it doesn’t compare to the intensity of international tournament play. Regardless, retiring when I did was what was best for me. I’ve grown as a person and I’ve finally put everything that happened with the team, with Kelley, behind me.

 

* * *

 

 

I wake up early on Friday morning and go for my daily run. When I get back, I shower and make myself coffee. Ali, Ashlyn, and Carli should be here soon to help set up the food and fill the coolers. I take a deep breath and mentally prepare myself for the day ahead.

 

I put on some music and start skimming the pool of the fallen leaves that are floating in it. “Hope?” I snap my head up to see my three friends walking outside. “How’d you get in?” I ask, skeptically. I know I locked the door last night. “Leaving your key under the mat isn’t really the best way to keep out criminals.” I roll my eyes.

 

“Hey, Car.” I say as she gets closer. I give her a quick hug. “What do you need us to do?” I lead them into the kitchen and have Ash and Ali start setting up a cheese and cracker tray. “Will you put the drinks in the cooler with ice?” Carli nods.

 

I’m back to cleaning the pool when Carli comes out and sits on a patio chair. “You excited to see everyone?” I glance at her and nod. “Yea, should be fun. Will you put wood in the fire pit?” She rolls her eyes, but does as I asked her to.

 

“Kelley bringing her girlfriend?” I look at her. She shakes her head. “No. That’d make things way too awkward.” I nod. “Good. I mean I’m over her, but I still don’t need to see her with someone else.” She looks at me skeptically, but doesn’t say anything about it. “Everyone should be here soon. Probably within like 20 minutes. Alex texted me.” I nod at her in response.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s a gorgeous outside. 85 degrees and sunny. The perfect pool day. I’m in the kitchen, grabbing more drinks for some of the girls when she walks in. I glance up at her but don’t say anything. We haven’t talked since she’s gotten here. I’ll admit that I’ve been avoiding her. I haven’t talked to her in 3 years. I don’t know what to say.

 

“Hey.” She says quietly, leaning on the island. I look at her briefly. “Hey, Kell.” I use the nickname out of habit. I start to pour the drinks, busying myself. Hoping she’ll get the point. I don’t want to talk. If we talk, the feelings I still have for her will become stronger. I can’t.

 

“How have you been?” I internally groan. She isn’t going to make this easy. “Good. Really good. You?” I lie. My life has become an ongoing cycle. I do the same things every day. “I’ve been really great.” She says, softly. I nod in response.

 

“I hear you have a girlfriend? That’s great, Kelley.” I get it out of the way. She nods, slowly. “I do. She’s nice.” I smile. “Nice? That’s all you have to say?” I push, seeing if she’ll give me more information about her. “Yes. She’s nice. I mean we haven’t been together for very long.” I furrow my eye brows. “I thought you’ve been with her for like 6 months?”

 

She shakes her head, quickly. “No, no, no. I mean, we were friends for a while but we’ve only been official for like a month and a half.” I raise my eye brows and start picking up the drinks to bring outside. “Well as long as you’re happy.” I say as I walk past her.

 

I have a lot more fun than I thought I would. There’s no awkwardness, just laughter and Pinoe’s stupid jokes. The sun is beginning to set and I’m sitting near the fire laughing at Moe, who had just fallen backwards in her chair when Kelley comes over. She grabs my arm, softly. “Can we talk?” She’s nervous. I can hear it in her voice.

 

I hesitate, but nod and follow her. Ali gives me a smirk as I walk past, I glare at her in return. She leads me into the living room, sitting down on the couch. I look at her skeptically, but sit down on the chair. She wipes her face and takes a breath. “I miss you.” She blurts. I tilt my head, questioningly. What does she mean by that?

 

“I miss you too. I’ve missed everyone. I’m glad you guys came.” She looks at me and shakes her head. “No. I mean _I miss you_.” She emphasizes. I raise my eye brows, but don’t respond. “I know. I know you probably still hate me. You probably don’t trust me. But I know what I lost. I didn’t appreciate you when I had you. Now I know what I lost.” I look down.

 

“Kell, you have a girlfriend.” I say, lamely. She nods. “Yes, but I can’t see myself falling in love with her. She doesn’t make my knees weak with just one glance. You do. I don’t think about her when I’m lying in bed at night. I think about you. I don’t love her. I love y-“ I cut her off. “Stop. Just stop. Did you think you could just come here and make this speech and I’d fall back into your arms just because a little bit of time has passed?” I say, exasperatedly, shaking my head. She looks away.

 

“You don’t think I still love you? I do. I fucking love you. But I can’t be with you. I can’t do it to myself. I can’t put myself in a position to be hurt again.” She takes a deep breath. “Hope, this is going to sound stupid, I know. But I know for a fact that I would never, _ever_ hurt you again.” I roll my eyes.

 

“You don’t know anything, Kelley. You say that now, sure.  But what happens when you’re at a bar with your friends and some girl comes and flirts with you? Are you gonna take her home? You gonna fuck her?” I’m angry and she knows it. She shakes her head, calmly. “No. No I wouldn’t. I get it, Hope. I do. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried.” I stand up and start walking away. “I’m breaking up with her. Once I get back to New Jersey I’m ending it. It’s not fair for me to string her along when I know I don’t have feelings for her.” I turn to look at her. “Okay?” I look at her expectantly. “I just want you to know.” I shrug and look at her for a second before walking away.

 

I’m seething at this point. Did she think she was going to come in here and have me in the palm of her hand, ready to be with her again? Does she expect me to forget everything that happened? All the pain? She fucked me up. I thought I had trust issues before? No. Now I have trust issues. Now I know what it feels like to think there’s no one in the world who wants me and only me. I’m not _good_ enough. I roll my eyes at myself. I know I’m being overdramatic.

 

I walk back out to the fire and sit down. Carli gives me a look. I shake my head at her. I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to forget about Kelley and have fun with my friends. My teammates? My former teammates? I look around at everyone. They’re laughing, talking to each other. I see Pinoe walk over and stop front of me. She looks behind me, giving someone a nod. She grabs the front of my chair and before I can register what’s happening, my whole chair is being lifted off the ground. I’m screaming, struggling to get down. Pinoe blocks me in. Next thing I know, I’m in the pool, fully clothed, glaring at the culprits. Pinoe and Syd.

_Friends_. They’re my friends. My annoying, obnoxious friends. “You’re fucking done.” I say to them, calmly before making my way out of the pool and chasing them. Carli catches Syd and throws her in the pool while I corner Megan and pick her up, easily throwing her in. Carli fist bumps me. “Fucking Harli.” Syd says, making her way out of the pool. I smirk. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed them.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Carli stayed with me after everyone left to help clean up. We were just finishing up when she finally broke the silence. “What did Kelley want to talk to you about.” I glance up at her from my place at the sink, doing dishes. “Nothing. She wants me to give her another chance.”

 

“And..?” She looks at me expectantly. I furrow my eye brows. “And what?” I hear her sigh. “Do you want to be with her?” I hesitate. “Do I want to be with her? Yes. Can I be with her? No.” I look at her, drying my hands. “Why not?” I sit on one of the stools near the island and sigh. “I want to trust her. I want to be able to be with her without feeling insecure. I just don’t think I can do that. I don’t think I’ll be able to trust enough to be with her again.” I try to explain.

 

She nods, understandingly. “How do you know though? You haven’t tried.” I shrug. “I just know how I am. I’ll get into the relationship with good intentions, then I won’t be able to trust her. It’ll be toxic.” She walks to the fridge to grab a bottled water. “I think you’re scared.” She says.

 

I furrow my eye brows. “What do you mean?” She sits down across from me. “I think you still have strong feelings for her, even after all this time. Even with everything she put you through, you still love her and that scares you. You want to give her another chance, but you’re afraid that you’ll get hurt again.” I shake my head. “I’m not.” I say, unconvincingly.

 

She looks at me with soft eyes. “Hope, it’s okay to be scared, you know? Kelley hurt you. I get it. But you need to make a decision. It’s either you let her go and wonder ‘what if’ for the rest of your life or you try again. You try again and trust that she won’t hurt you for a second time.” I look down. “I won’t be able to handle it if she hurt me again.”

 

She nods. “Yes, you will. Last time, you were alone. That’s my fault. This time, whether it works or not, I have your back. I’m here for you. So is Ali. But honestly? I don’t think that girl would ever even think about hurting you again.” I shrug. “I don’t know.”

 

“Just think about it. But whatever you do, don’t torture yourself over it. If you don’t think you can have a happy, healthy relationship with her then don’t force yourself. If you do, then that’s great. Either way, I support you.” I give her a soft smile. “Thanks, Car.” She gives me a small smile and a nod in return.

 

* * *

 

 

I go to the game on Sunday to watch the girls beat France 2-0. Alex placed a hard shot just out of the keeper’s reach in the bottom right corner. Carli scored the other goal, heading in a perfect cross that Tobin sent her.

 

I don’t want to say goodbye to them yet. They’re idiots, all of them. But I’ve missed them. They’re taking a two-week long break before meeting again for another friendly in Florida. I stay back and wait for the girls to come out of the locker rooms. I talk to Ali for a while, filling her in on everything that happened with Kelley at the party.

 

She thinks I should go for it. It’s not as simple as she makes it out to be, though. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to put myself out there again only to be hurt for a second time. I say my goodbyes to Ali and Carli, knowing I’ll talk to them soon. Kelley doesn’t make an effort to speak to me. She gives me a drawn out glance and a short wave before walking up the stairs and onto the bus.

 

I say quick goodbyes to the rest of the girls as they leave. Syd promises revenge for the incident at the party. Not gonna happen. Pinoe won’t do anything either if she wants to survive this season with the Reign.

 

I drive home, thinking of everything that happened this weekend. I’m so glad that everything went well with the team. I was nervous. I thought it might be awkward since we hadn’t seen each other in so long, but honestly? It was the best day I’ve had in a long time.

 

* * *

 

 

I spend the next two weeks thinking about what I want to do. I’ve missed two calls from Kelley so far. She left me one voicemail, letting me know she broke up with her girlfriend.  I can’t talk to her until I figure out what I’m doing. I talk to both Carli and Ali a few times. They try and give me advice, try and help me with my decision. Ultimately, I have to make the decision by myself. I can’t allow them to influence me one way or the other.

 

I think about what Carli said. I think about how I feel. I think about how hard this is going to be if I decide to allow her back into my life. She will have to earn my trust back. She probably won’t want to go through all that trouble anyway.

 

Carli was right. I do want to try again. I do want to be with her. I just can’t trust her. I can’t let her back in. She was the first person to ever break down my walls, but she was also the first person to break me. Do I think Kelley will hurt me again? No. But it’s complicated. I can’t trust her. Ugh. I don’t know what to do.

 

I go to my basement and pull out the bin. The bin that I put all of her stuff in. Our pictures, her slippers, the blanket that still smells like her. What’s left of our relationship is in that bin. I grab what I was looking for and get in my car, driving to a nearby lake. I sit on the bench and look at the small box in my hands. The box that haunted me for so long after Kelley hurt me.

 

I open it, looking at the ring inside. I’m going to make my decision before I leave here. I’m either going to keep it and give her a chance to prove herself to me or I’m throwing this ring as hard and as far as I can into this lake and walking away. I sigh to myself and watch as a man and woman walk hand in hand down the path along the lake.

 

I sit there for longer than I planned. I only notice it’s getting dark when I hear a dog’s bark in the distance, breaking my train of thought. It’s been a long road with Kelley. A long, painful road. I either have to move on and try to forget my feelings or I give in to them and swallow my pride. I look down at the ring in my hands. I shiver. The chill of the breeze coming off of the water, reminding me that the cold of night is soon to come.

 

I stand up and approach the lake, looking out into the water. Looking out at the skyline, the orange glow of the sunset. I look down at the ring. This is it. I’ve made my decision and I’m committing to it. This is the beginning of what’s going to be a tough road, but I’m ready to move forward. I’m finally ready to start the rest of my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, I'm sorry. And a cliff hanger, I'm the worst. I'll update again tomorrow :)


	10. Chapter 10

I’m sitting in my living room, preparing myself to call Kelley. To let her know what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling. I scroll through my texts, stopping at Carli. I already let her know what I’ve decided to do. I read her response. “That’s great. Will you please call Kelley? She won’t leave me alone. I’ve gotten 3 phone calls and 5 texts asking about you today.” I roll my eyes. I thought Kelley was being patient. She’s only called me twice. Apparently she’s just been bothering Carli instead of me.

 

I scroll to Kelley’s contact and take a deep breath. This is stupid. I’m not talking with her about this over the phone. I look down at the ring I have in between my thumb and my forefinger. I guess I’m going to New Jersey.

 

I pack a bag for the next two or three days and go online to book the first flight I can. I leave in the morning. Sure, I could just call her. I could tell her over the phone. But if we’re going to do this then we need to start fresh and there’s only one way I know how to do that. I’ll never forget what Kelley did to me. But I can forgive her and trust that she’s learned and grown from it.

 

* * *

 

 

_I stand up and approach the lake, looking out into the water. Looking out at the skyline, the orange glow of the sunset. This is it. I’ve made my decision and I’m committing to it. This is the beginning of what’s going to be a tough road, but I’m ready to move forward. I’m finally ready to start the rest of my life._

_I bite my lips and take one final glance out at the water and I walk away, ring still in my hand. Kelley is worth another chance. I’m willing to take the risk. The worst that that can happen is she hurts me again. And if she does, this time I have plenty of friends to lean on for support. If she does, then I’ll know that she and I aren’t meant to be together. I need to see, for myself, what will come of this._

* * *

 

 

I landed about an hour ago. I’m finally on my way to Kelley’s house in the car I rented. This is it. This is where it all starts again. This time, though, I hope it won’t end. I pull into her driveway and notice her car is there, which is good considering I didn’t warn her that I’d be here.

 

I slowly walk to the front door, mentally preparing myself for what’s to come of this. I ring the doorbell and I wait. I wait for what feels like too long. I finally hear someone coming towards the door. It opens slowly, cautiously. “Hope?” She whispers when she finally sees me. She has a confused look on her face.

 

“Hope Solo. Nice to meet you.” I say, sticking out my hand. She furrows her eye brows and looks down at my extended arm. “What are you doing?” She says, glancing from my hand to my face. I sigh and drop my hand. “Listen, Kell. If this is gonna work, we have to start fresh. I have to learn to trust you again. It isn’t gonna be easy, but if you want to try then I do too.” I glance up at her from my place at the bottom of the steps.

 

Her eyes are wide and she hasn’t responded. She walks outside and closes the door behind her. “You..you want to try?” She says, slowly. Making sure that she understands correctly. I bite my lips and look down. “I’m not promising anything. There’s still a lot that we have to work through, but yes. I want to try.” She gives me a big smile, tears filling her eyes.

 

She runs down the first two steps and skips the last one, jumping into my arms and wrapping her legs around my waist. I catch her, taking a step back with the momentum. “Just remember that it isn’t going to be perfect. This doesn’t mean that we’re together. It means that we can see each other and see where this goes. I still don’t trust you. That’s something you have to earn back.” I whisper in her ear. I want to make sure we’re on the same page.

 

I feel her nod against my shoulder. I put her down and look at her. She smiles up at me. “Do..do you want to come in? How long are you staying? Where are you staying? When did you get here?” She fires out question after question and I’m unsure of which one to respond to first. “Woah.” I chuckle, looking down. I’m nervous. “I got in like an hour and a half ago. I need to go drop my stuff at the hotel I’m staying in. I’ll be here until Thursday.” I’ll stay for three nights.

 

She nods, looking down and playing with her fingers. “Oh okay.” She looks disappointed for some reason. I ignore it. “Do you want to meet for dinner later? I think that’s a good place to start.” She gives me a small smile. “Yea. I’d like that.” She says. I smile back at her. “Okay. I’ll text you and we can figure out a time and place.” She nods in response. I give her a tight hug. After everything she’s put me through, I should hate her. I shouldn’t want to see her again. But the heart wants what it wants and I can’t ignore the way I feel. And she feels perfect in my arms.

 

* * *

 

 

I’m frantically searching through my bag, looking for something to wear. I’m meeting Kelley at her house in an hour and I’m not ready at all. This is the first time in a long time she and I are going to dinner together. I have no idea what to wear. Kelley told me the restaurant isn’t that fancy but I don’t know what to make of that. I’m freaking out.

 

I call Carli and ask for advice. She’s always been the more fashionable one out of the two of us. “Just find something that you look good in but you’re comfortable wearing.” I sigh. That didn’t help at all. I finally settle on a pair of dark skinny jeans and a sweater, along with boots. This should be okay, I think.

 

By the time I finish putting my makeup on it’s time for me to go to Kelley’s. The drive flew by, probably because of my nerves. She’s waiting outside for me when I pull up. She’s wearing light jeans and a black jacket, along with boots similar to mine. She walks over to my window. I roll it down. “Do you want me to dri-“ She cuts herself off and pauses for a few seconds. She looks me up and down. “You look amazing.” I look away. “Thanks.” I say, nervously.

 

She shakes herself out of it. “Sorry. Do you want me to drive?” I shake my head. “It’s okay. You can just show me how to get there. I’m behind your car anyway, it’d be too difficult.” She nods in response and walks over to the passenger side to get in. I drive off and listen to her directions. Eventually we pull up to a small Italian restaurant.

 

“It doesn’t look like anything special, but trust me, their food is amazing.” I give her a small smile and a nod. We both get out and walk into the building, waiting for the hostess to take us to our seats. “It’s pretty in here.” I mention, looking around at the small lanterns that are on the walls. “It is.” She agrees.

 

We look over our menus in silence. “What are you gonna get?” I ask, quietly. She glances at me over her menu. “Probably some sort of chicken. I’m not sure yet.” I nod in response. We order our meals and give our waitress the menus.

 

“What have you been up to lately?” I ask, trying to start a conversation. She looks out the window. It’s beginning to get dark outside. “Nothing, really. Just been hanging out with friends when I’m not with the team.” She looks at me. “You?” I sigh. “Same old shit.”

 

“Did you..you know. Did you get with anyone after you left the team?” I furrow my eye brows. Get with anyone? What does that even me-Oh. It clicks. “Uh. Not really. I went on a few dates but that’s it.” She nods, slowly. “I figured you would have found someone else.” I shrug. “I’m not the easiest person to be with. I mean I pretty much scared them off within a few weeks.”

 

She rolls her eyes. “They missed out.” I glance at her. “Yea missed out on me and all of my issues.” She sighs, shaking her head at me. “Stop being so self-deprecating. You don’t have issues. You have a past, just like everyone else.” I shoot her a light glare, but don’t respond.

 

We get our food and make small talk while eating. I pay the bill despite Kelley’s protests. “I showed up on your doorstep, without warning. I can pay for dinner.” She begrudgingly agreed. We drive back to Kelley’s house, taking the backroads. We drove in silence for a few minutes before Kelley broke it. “I’m never gonna hurt you again, Hope. You have nothing to worry about. I know Carli is nervous about it, but I don’t care what anyone thinks other than you.” Carli’s nervous about it?

 

I look over at her from the driver’s seat. “She is? She’s nervous about it?” She nods. “When I called her, trying to figure out why you weren’t answering my calls, she said she was. I obviously assured her she had nothing to worry about, but she made it clear that if I did anything to hurt you I’d face the wrath of Lloyd.” She looks at me with wide eyes, faking scared. I roll my eyes at her.

 

“She would.” I smirk to myself. Last time Kelley and I were together everyone was warning me not to hurt her. Now it’s the opposite. I kind of like it, in a weird way. I glance at Kelley, who’s looking out the window. “This is it, Kell. This is your second chance. There won’t be a third.” I speak calmly, but with conviction. She looks at me, eyes glowing with the headlights of passing cars. “I don’t need a third.” She looks me in the eyes before I break the contact, looking at the road. I nod my head in response. “Good.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. I know some of you wanted her to throw the ring, but I'm actual O'Solo trash and needed to be able to make this a happy ending. Let me know what you think!


	11. Alternative Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an alternate ending. It begins right after chapter 9. It's a one chapter ending for those who wanted to see her throw the ring. Let me know what you think of this one! :)
> 
> After this chapter, the story will continue as planned with her keeping the ring. I'm thinking 1-2 more chapters and then an epilogue.

I could walk away. I could walk away with the ring that is still in my hand and I could give her another chance. I could let her earn my trust back and let our relationship run its course. I could. But I can’t. I know my heart is losing the battle. My brain reigns victorious. I know that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I’m never going to be able to look Kelley in the eyes and trust what she’s saying to me.

 

She lied to me. She cheated on me. She completely broke me. I can’t allow it to happen again. I can’t just forgive her and pretend like everything is okay between us because it’s not. It’s not okay and it won’t ever be okay again.

 

I sigh and look at the ring one last time. This ring could have been put on Kelley’s finger. She and I could be married, could have children, by now. But she didn’t allow that to happen. She allowed someone else to come in between us.

 

I never thought I could be one to commit. I never thought I would trust anyone enough to be with them forever, to get on my knee and propose. I trusted Kelley with my life. I loved Kelley more than anyone else. She was my person. She was the love of my life. She was _supposed_ to be my happy ending. But a happy ending isn’t in my future.

 

I’m not meant to have a happy ending. I’m not supposed to have a perfect family with a white picket fence. I know that now. But I’ll get through it, I’ll push myself through it. Maybe I’ll get a dog or something. A dog can’t leave me, a dog can’t cheat on me or lie to me or break my trust. Only a human can do that. Only a human can be so deceiving.

 

My eyes fill with tears at the thought of what I’m about to do. I bring my arm back, winding up, and I throw it. I throw it hard. I throw it as hard as I can and I let it go. I let everything that she did to me go, along with it. I watch it fly and just barely hear the sound of it hitting the water. I wipe my face of the lone tear that escaped my left eye.

 

I take a deep breath and slowly walk back to my car. I’ve finally freed myself completely from the pressure, from the obligation to make a choice. I’ve made my choice and everyone else is just gonna have to accept it.

 

I get in my car and immediately call Carli. I hear three rings before she picks up.

 

“Hope?” Tears immediately fill my eyes.

 

“Hey.” I say, softly.

 

“What’s wrong?” She knows me too well. I blink back the tears.

 

“I, um, you know the ring that I got her? That I got Kelley?” She hesitates.

 

“Uh, yea. What about it? Didn’t you get rid of that thing years ago?” I should have. I sigh.

 

“No. I put it in my basement. Um, I..It’s at the bottom of a lake.” I say, slowly. She tries and fails to stifle her gasp.

 

“What? Did you drop it? I’m sure we can find it.” I roll my eyes.

 

“Car, I threw it. I’m done. I can’t be with her.” I say, quickly, getting it over with.

 

“Oh.” She pauses. “Well, I’m glad you made a decision. As long as you’re happy, Hope, I’m here for you. You know that.” I nod to myself.

 

“I know.” I whisper. She sighs, loudly.

 

“You couldn’t have sold the ring or something? That was expensive. We could have gone on a vacation with the money.” I smile, holding back a laugh.

 

“I was going for the dramatics.” I laugh out. I wasn’t, really. Carli knows it too. I needed to let go of that ring if I’m ever going to be able to let go of Kelley.

 

“Always one for the dramatics.” She says, sarcastically. “You know you need to let Kelley know that you’re done though, right? She still thinks there’s a chance.” I sigh. I know she’s right. I just don’t want to deal with it yet.

 

“I know. I’ll call her eventually.” I say, honestly. I mean, what am I even gonna say to her?

 

“Just tell her the truth, Solo. You’ll be okay. Call me if you need anything, alright?” I swear she can read my mind.

 

“Thank you.” I whisper, before hanging up.

 

I lean forward and rest my head on the steering wheel. I made the decision that’s best for me. For once in my life I didn’t think of how anyone else felt, what anyone else thought, I’m doing what’s best for me. Sure, maybe Kelley and I could have worked out, but I’d be risking myself by allowing her back in. I can’t do that again. This time, I’m looking out for me.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, I go to a local shelter. I looked online and saw a puppy, a Doberman. He looked so sad, so lonely in his cage. I wasn’t planning on leaving the shelter with him, but here I am, driving down the highway while trying to control the large puppy that thinks he’s a lap dog. “I can’t see when you do that!” I say to him. He tilts his head at me before jumping back onto my lap. I roll my eyes. Perfect.

 

I somehow make it home safely and bring him inside. I still need to go buy him bowls and toys. Maybe a crate? Should I crate train him? I really should have thought about this before taking him home. I look over at him from my place in the kitchen. He’s sniffing around the living room, scoping out this unfamiliar place.

 

I sigh and lean against the island. I pick up my phone and scroll to Kelley’s contact. I need to call her; I need to tell her. I know she’s going to be upset, but she shouldn’t have come here expecting me to take her back after what she did. Just as I’m about to hit call, my (still unnamed) puppy walks over to me with something in his mouth. I lean down to take it from him.

 

“What is that? I leave you alone for 2 minutes and you-“ I stop. It’s hers. It’s one of her old Stanford shirts. She wore it all the time. My eyes fill up against my will. My mind immediately flashes with memories.

 

_“I love you” She says to me, leaning against the doorframe. She’s in nothing but her Stanford shirt. I smile at her from my place laying on the bed. “I love you too.” She walks over to me, swinging her hips back and forth with purpose. “Show me.” She whispers in my ear, sending chills down my spine._

 

I allow tears to fall, unable to stop them from escaping. I sit on the floor with my new friend, who’s looking at me.

 

_We’re both laying on the couch. It’s raining outside so we’ve spent the day watching movies. I’m on my back and she’s laying on her stomach on top of me. “This movie sucks.” I finally say after suffering through the first half of it. She scoffs and looks at me. “You suck.” She counters. I raise my eye brows. “What was that?” She smirks. “You. Suck.” She says with conviction. I immediately move my hands to her sides, tickling her. She shrieks, jumping off of me. I just barely catch a glimpse of the red and white of her shirt as she falls off the couch and onto the floor. “Ow.”_

I sit with my knees pulled up to my chest, wiping my falling tears. I shouldn’t be crying. These memories are something that I’ll carry with me forever, something that, one day, I hope I can smile about. Smile at the fact that I did have a love that lasted, a love that mattered. The puppy comes over and sits next to me. I pull him into my arms, crying into his neck. He lets me.

 

_I open the bedroom door, slowly. _What I see makes bile rise in my throat._ The first thing I notice are their clothes, thrown carelessly on the floor. The red and white of that t-shirt that is attached to so many of my memories, our memories. _

I let myself cry for as long as I need to, looking down at the shirt that’s still in my hands. I sniffle. “Where did you even find this?” I whisper, looking at the Doberman who still hasn’t left my side. I roll my eyes at myself for talking to the dog like he’s a person. I kiss his head and stand up, wipe my face of the tears and throw the shirt in the trash without a second thought.

 

* * *

 

 

After my break down earlier, I gave myself some time to relax before calling Kelley. I showered, went to the store to get puppy supplies, and ate lunch. Now though, I’m sitting on the couch, prepared to hit the call button.

 

I take a deep breath and press it. My heart is racing as I listen, waiting for her to answer. I almost think she isn’t going to pick up when I hear it. “Hope?” She sounds excited, almost relieved, to hear from me. “Hey, Kelley” I respond.

 

“What..How are you?” I sigh.

 

“I’ve been better. You?”

 

“I..I’m okay. I’ve been waiting to hear from you.” I know. I’m sorry.

 

“I know. I got your voicemail. I just..I needed some time.” I say, honestly. She doesn’t respond. I take in a deep breath. “I can’t do this.” I whisper.

 

She hesitates. “Wh..What do you mean?” I close my eyes.

 

“You and me. I can’t do it. I thought about it for a long time, but I just can’t do it. I can’t trust you.” I get to the point.

 

“Oh. Okay, it’s okay. I understand.” She’s holding back tears. I can hear the strain in her voice. My own eyes fill up with the sound.

 

“I’m sorry.” I whisper, chocking back a sob. I miss Kelley. I miss how we were before everything happened, before the downfall of our relationship. I wish, I wish so much that we could go back to that time where nothing mattered to us but each other.

 

I hear her sniffle and let out a shaky breath. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Hope. I’m the one who did this to us, not you.”

 

“I just..I miss you, Kell, I do. I just, I can’t look at you without picturing you with _her_. I can’t think about you without feeling pain. I just can’t do it. I wish I could. I wish I were strong enough.” I’m trying and failing to hold back sobs. I bring my hand to my head.

 

“I’m so sorry, Hope. I am. I know that doesn’t change anything, but you need to know that if I could go back in time and change what I did, I would do it in a second.” I nod, slowly.

 

“I know you would.” I whisper. We both fall silent, sounds of sniffles and chocked sobs coming from both of us.

 

“So this is it, huh?” She says, softly.

 

“I guess it is.” I respond. A part of me doesn’t want this phone call to end. Once this call is over, I may never speak to her again. Is that what I really want?

 

“I’ll always love you, Hope.” Her voice is shaky. I shake my head. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

 

I sigh. “Me too. I love you. I just can’t be with you.”

 

“I know.” The line falls silent, once again. Neither of us knows what to say. We’ve dragged it out for as long as we could.

 

“Goodbye, Kell.” I finally say. I hear her let out a sob. I close my eyes, tightly, at the sound.

 

“I’m not saying that to you. I’m not saying goodbye to you.” She says, frantically.

 

“Okay, then don’t. Don’t say goodbye.” I manage to get out through my tears.

 

“Good luck, Hope.” She says instead. I take a deep breath and hesitate before ending the call.

 

This is it. This is the end to the tale of Kelley and Hope. It’s the start to the rest of my life. Will a happy ending be in my future? Probably not. But for now, I have Carli, Ali, and the rest of my friends to lean on. Along with my new family member, who’s currently chewing one of my couch cushions. It isn’t gonna be easy, but I’ll make it work. Just like I always do.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter. I'll do my best to update soon, but college is kicking my ass and finals are almost here. I'll try and update on Thursday if I can. Let me know what you think!

Kelley and I spend the next 2 days catching up and getting used to being around each other again. It’s been a lot easier than I thought it would be to talk to her. We haven’t had any sort of physical contact since the hug on the first day I came. She’s been hesitant, probably because she and I haven’t seen each other in so long. We do need to start slow if we’re going to be able to rebuild a strong relationship, though.

 

I leave to go back to Seattle tomorrow. I’m currently packing up my stuff, waiting for Kelley to pick me up. I don’t know where we’re going. Kelley told me to be ready by 4 and that’s it. She should be here any minute. I’m just putting the last of my clothes into my suitcase when I hear my phone buzzing. Kelley lets me know that she’s here.

 

I sigh. This is the last time I’ll see Kelley for a little while. I don’t know when we’ll be in the same state again, how often we’ll talk. The distance between us will truly show us whether this is going to work or not. It’s also going to test both of us. It’s going to test my trust and it’s going to test her commitment.

 

I make my way downstairs and walk outside, making my way to her car. “Hey” I say as I get in. She smiles at me. “You ready?” I nod in response. I don’t know what we’re doing, where we’re going. I just let her take the lead on this one. Hopefully everything goes well.

 

We drive for about a half hour before I realize where we’re headed. “Why are we going to New York?” I look over at her. She smirks. “Patience.” I roll my eyes. I’ve been nothing but patient. I sigh and look out the window, crossing my arms. I hear her laugh.

 

“Are you really gonna pout about it?” I look back at her and raise my eye brows. “I’m not pouting.” I’m not. I’m just showing her how I feel about being left in the dark. I hate surprises. She rolls her eyes at me and cautiously brings her right hand to my thigh. She glances at me, questioningly, silently asking me if it was okay. I hesitate, glancing from her face to her hand.

 

I slowly put my hand on top of hers, interlacing our fingers. Holding hands is okay, right? There’s nothing wrong with that. She looks over and gives me a small smile and I know I’ve made the right choice. Some people may say I’m stupid for giving her another chance. They’d say I’m setting myself up to be hurt again. But they aren’t me. They don’t feel the warmth that I feel when she’s around. As I look over to the beautiful woman to my left as she’s singing Adele’s ‘Hello’ I know that she is worth it.

 

We arrive to the city an hour later. Traffic was horrible and it didn’t help that we were traveling during rush hour. “Where are we gonna park?” I ask as I look at the hundreds of filled parking spaces on both sides of the road. “I have it covered.” She says, confidently. I raise my eye brows and look at her, skeptically. We’ll see about that.

 

We pull up to a valet parking lot. I glance over at Kelley, who’s smirking. I shake my head. Cocky little shit. We get out of the car, allowing the driver to park it for us. Kelley smiles at me and motions for me to follow her. I don’t move. “What are we doing?” She rolls her eyes and walks over to me, grabbing my hand. “Just come with me.” She says, dragging me along behind her.

 

I finally comply, but don’t let go of her hand. I look in windows of the small shops that we pass. I glance down at Kelley, who’s looking around frantically. She looks at me, sheepishly. “I, um, I think we went the wrong way.” I smirk.

 

“Where are you trying to take me?” She shakes her head. “Hold on.” She says as she pulls out her phone and opens her GPS app. “We went the wrong way. Come on. This way.” I roll my eyes. “This is going well.” I say, sarcastically. She stops walking, dropping my hand. I look down at her. “Do you not want to come? We can just go home.” She looks down, hurt expression covering her face. I sigh. “Yes I want to come. I was just kidding.” She nods, slowly, before grabbing my hand and leading us down the sidewalk.

 

The sun is beginning to set in the city. The breeze blows through our hair as we make our way to our destination, where ever that may be. We walk for around 15 minutes before we arrive at a tall building. Kelley stops. “Here we are.” I furrow my eye brows. The building is old, run down. It’s tall, but it’s definitely not in any condition for a restaurant or anything like it. What is she doing?

 

“W..What?” I look at her skeptically, glancing to the old building. She rolls her eyes. “What? Are you scared.” I scoff, tugging her hand to follow me into the building. I’ll show her scared. I walk into the building confidently. It’s abandoned, no people, no furniture, not a soul in sight. There’s graffiti on the walls. I slow my stride, looking around, on guard. I just barely feel her drop my hand. I’m too distracted, looking in all directions, preparing for a murderer to come and kill both of us.

 

I turn a corner and- “BOO” I shriek, jumping backwards and tripping over a piece of scrap metal on the ground. I fall backwards, landing on my ass. I look up at Kelley, who’s bent over, laughing at me. I send a heavy glare her way, pushing myself to my feet. I cross my arms, in embarrassment. I don’t find this funny. If she’s trying to make this romantic, she’s failing. I look at her as she laughs. I roll my eyes and shake my head.

 

“You know what? Maybe we should just go back.” I turn, walking towards the door. She stops laughing and I hear her quick footsteps behind me. She grabs my hand. “No, no, please. I’m sorry. Please stay.” She says. I turn around to look at her. Her eyes show her amusement with the situation and she’s still trying not to laugh. I shake my head, trying to suppress my own grin that’s slowly making its way onto my face.

 

“You’re such an asshole.” I say, allowing myself to let out a small laugh. That sets her off again. I laugh with her this time. “You should have seen your face.” She says through her laughter. She looks at me and attempts to recreate the face I made when she scared me. We laugh for a few more seconds before she pulls on my hand. “Come on.” She leads the way.

 

She leads me up the staircase. We walk up too many flights for me to count. We finally reach the top and she leads me out the door. It’s gotten much darker since we were last outside. As soon as we walk out, my jaw drops. I walk further onto the roof. There’s white lights hanging all around and in the center is a dark wood table with a box on it. I can see the lights of the city, the empire state building, the people walking below.

 

I walk over near the edge, taking in the view. I turn around to look at Kelley, who’s taking plates out of the box. I walk towards her. “How the hell did you do all this?” She smirks at me. “I was here earlier setting up.” I nod, slowly. “It’s perfect.” She smiles. “Come sit. I made us food.” I furrow my eye brows. “Is it still warm?” She nods. “This kept it heated.” She taps the box. I tilt my head. I’m not even gonna ask.

 

I reach the table and sit down, looking up at her. She silently puts food on our plates and sits across from me, placing the box on the ground. “You didn’t have to do all this.” She glances at me. “I know. I wanted to.” I give her a small smile. “Why?” She sighs, poking at her food. “You deserve it.” I roll my eyes. “Cheesy.” I sigh out. She snaps her head up to look at me, shooting me a light glare.

 

We eat our food, poking fun at each other. It feels easy, like we’re in a bubble. Just her and me, no one else in the world. “Are we even supposed to be up here?” She laughs. “You think I’d bring you up here just to get us arrested?” I shrug. “Maybe.” She scoffs. I smile at her, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand. “Thank you.” I pause. “For this, I mean.” I say softly.

 

She doesn’t respond. She grabs both of our empty plates, putting them away. I stand up and walk to the other side of the roof, looking at the city lights. It’s getting colder. I shiver and put my hands in the front pockets of my jeans. Luckily I wore a long-sleeved shirt and a jacket. Kelley walks next to me, looking at the view, silently. She’s shivering. She didn’t dress for the weather. She’s in a short-sleeved dress shirt and leggings. I roll my eyes and take off my jacket, handing it to her.

 

She shakes her head. “It’s okay. I’m fine.” I walk behind her and hold it up. “You need it more than I do.” I help her put it on before moving back to my place next to her. I glance over. She looks so small in my jacket. It’s hanging off of her small frame. She sighs. “What happens now?” She asks.

 

I shrug. “I don’t know. We can go walk around the city, if you want?” She shakes her head. “No. I mean with us. You’re going back to Seattle and I’m staying here. What’s gonna happen?” I hesitate. I honestly didn’t think of what the future holds for us. “Um, I..I don’t know, Kell.” She nods, slowly, refusing to make eye contact.

 

“We’ll talk all the time. We can facetime. This will be the real test to see if we’re strong enough to make it.” I look down at her. She finally glances at me and nods. “Okay” She whispers. She looks at my hand and I watch her face as she struggles with an internal conflict. Since being here, Kelley has been hesitant to touch me. I’m assuming she’s unaware of where her boundaries are, how far she can take it. I reach out and take her hand, pulling her to my side.

 

I wrap my left arm around her and hold her close. She leans her body into mine, resting her head on my chest, listening to my heartbeat. I smile to myself. Coming here, I wasn’t sure how this would work out. I wasn’t sure if it would be awkward, wasn’t sure if the connection would still be here, wasn’t sure if I’d be able to forget what happened. But today? I didn’t think about her and Ann once, until right now. For some reason though, it doesn’t hurt as badly as it normally does. Maybe because I’m healing, maybe because Kelley is by my side, maybe because I’ve moved past it. Regardless of the reasoning, the fact that I’m here, with her, feeling more complete than I’ve felt in a long time, makes me know that this can work, we can make this work.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got distracted while writing a paper for school and here we are with a new chapter. Whoops. Anyway, let me know what you think!

 

After I went back to Seattle, Kelley and I kept in constant contact. We’d facetime or skype at least once a day, even if only for a few minutes before she would go to sleep. I haven’t found myself feeling insecure or feeling skeptical of what Kelley was doing. She makes sure to let me know what she’s doing, even if I don’t ask. She’s trying.

 

It’s been just over a month since I’ve last seen her. Thanksgiving is coming up in a couple days and she invited me to come to New Jersey. She decided against going home to Georgia, choosing to stay home and make her own meal for her friends. My flight leaves in just over three hours. Currently, I’m packing my bags, throwing in some last minute items.

 

I sigh and text Kelley, letting her know that I’m packed and ready to go. We’ve gotten more comfortable talking to each other over the past month. Turns out the distance made us closer in a way. We still aren’t official, nor do I plan on being anytime soon. Being official means giving all of me to her and while she has gained some of my trust back, I’m not ready to be in a relationship with her again, just yet.

 

We’ve flirted via text, even going as far as Kelley sending me naked pictures, but that’s as far as it’s gotten. It feels weird to be ‘sexting’ when we haven’t even kissed since reuniting. I’m not necessarily against kissing her, but I’m not gonna force it. If the right moment comes, then it comes, but if not then I have no problem waiting until it does.

 

When my plane touches down in New Jersey, it’s 9 o’clock and I’m exhausted. Flying truly doesn’t get easier for me. My anxiety level sky rockets and I always feel mentally drained by the time I land. I text Kelley, letting her know I’m here.

 

By the time I get my luggage from the carousal and turn around towards the doors, Kelley is walking in, looking around. I smile upon seeing her. Hair thrown up in a bun, wearing light blue jeans and an old grey t-shirt. She looks adorable. We make eye contact and she gives me a huge smile, walking quickly towards me. I put down my bags and pick her up in a hug. I truly did miss her being by my side. “I missed you.” She whispers in my ear. “I missed you too.” I say, honestly.

 

We walk to her car and she helps me put my stuff in her trunk. We make small talk on the way to her house. She tells me which of her friends are coming over for Thanksgiving and which couldn’t make it. This will be my first time meeting her friends. Even when we were together, years ago, I never had the chance to meet them, or Kelley just kept them at a distance. The fact that she’s willing to invite me, include me, is a step forward.

 

Some of her friends are already there, staying with her for the next few nights. I’m nervous about meeting them. I’m unsure of what they know about me and our past, my past. I’m not one who makes good first impressions on people and I normally become quite shy and quiet around new people. “So who’s gonna be there?” I finally ask, nervously. She glances over at me. “Taylor, you know her from the league, my friend Emily and her girlfriend, Steph, and another one of my friends, Cori.” I nod, slowly.

 

I look out the window, preparing myself. I’m gonna be thrown to the wolves as soon as we get to her place. Kelley must be able to sense my nerves because she brings her hand to my thigh and gives it a small, reassuring squeeze. “They’re cool. They know that I hurt you. It just kind of slipped out one night. Taylor has seen you at games, but she doesn’t really know much else about you other than your soccer skills. So don’t worry. No one is gonna be judging you.” I sigh, but nod my head.

 

We arrive at her place and grab my stuff. When we walk in, we’re immediately greeted by the sound of laughter coming from her living room. We walk in the room to see them playing some sort of card game. “Kelley!” Taylor yells, excitedly. I stand, awkwardly, next to Kelley. “This is Hope.” Kelley yells over their laughter. They’re drunk already. I roll my eyes to myself.

 

“Hey Hope.” They all say or yell out at their own pace. “Hi” I say in return. Kelley looks up at me. “Come on.” She says, quietly, tugging on my hand. We go upstairs and she leads me to a guest bedroom. “Where’s everyone sleeping?” She laughs. “Well, considering they’re all already wasted, I wouldn’t be surprised if they fell asleep down there. But Emily and Steph are staying on the pull out couch and Taylor and Cori are staying in my other guest room.” I furrow my eye brows. “Are they together?” She shakes her head. “No, but I wanted you to have your own room and they’re good friends so they’ll be okay.”

 

I nod, getting my stuff organized. Once I finish, I look at Kelley, Who’s sitting on the bed. “You wanna go down there?” I sigh, but nod. I have to at some point, I guess. We go back downstairs and sit around the coffee table that they’re playing around. Kelley sits next to me and immediately grabs my hand. “We’re starting a new game, you’re playing, right?” Taylor slurs out, looking at both me and Kelley. I nod. “Okay.” I say.

 

Taylor laughs. “You need to loosen up.” She says, sliding a beer over to me. I roll my eyes, but crack it open. I look at the four girls and put names to faces. It was easy, considering Emily and Steph are all over each other, I’ve seen Taylor before, and that makes Cori the brunette who’s sitting on the other side of Kelley. Taylor explains the rules to me and we play a couple games of Kings, which turned out to be really fun.

 

“Okay, I’m calling it a night.” Kelley says, standing. She looks down at me and extends her hand out. I look at her, skeptically, but take it and allow her to help me to my feet. I only had two beers, so I’m nowhere near drunk. Kelley on the other hand, had three beers and 4 shots of straight vodka. I follow her upstairs, ignoring the whistles we get from the other girls, who are starting another game. I walk her to her room, making sure she gets changed and into bed safely.

 

When I was about to walk away from Kelley, who was lying in bed, she grabs my wrist. I turn around and look at her, expectantly. “Kiss me.” She whispers. I roll my eyes. She’s so drunk. I shake my head. “Not gonna happen tonight, Kell. You’re gonna be sick tomorrow. Make sure you drink that water, okay?” I say, motioning to the bottled water I brought her. She pouts at me. I ignore it and walk back to my own room.

 

* * *

 

 

I wake up at around 9:30, later than I usually sleep in. I quickly get ready for the day, straightening my hair and putting on a little bit of makeup. I can smell breakfast being made and the voices coming from downstairs. How are they all still alive, let alone awake before me? I walk downstairs and peek into the kitchen. They’re all sitting around the table, drinking coffee, while Kelley cooks what I can only assume to be eggs and bacon.

 

“Good morning.” I announce as I walk in. I hear grumbled ‘mornings.’ I smirk to myself. That’s what they get for having so much to drink. Kelley, on the other hand, was prancing around the kitchen, humming a tune to herself. “How are you so awake?” I ask, looking over her shoulder at what she’s making. Omelets. “I don’t get hungover.” She states, confidently. I roll my eyes and grab some coffee before sitting down at the table next to Taylor.

 

“We’re going to the club later.” Kelley says. The other four girls nod in agreement. I look at Kelley with furrowed eye brows. The club? I’m 37 years old. I’m not going to a fucking club.

 

* * *

 

 

I’m going through my stuff, looking for something to wear when Kelley walks in. “Why aren’t you dressed?” She asks. I glance up at her and my eyes widen. She’s in a tight black dress that fits her like a glove, along with black and red heels. I must be staring for too long because she clears her throat. I shake myself out of it. “I have nothing to wear. Why don’t you all go and I’ll stay here?” I say, hopefully.

 

Kelley immediately shuts me down. “I need you there with me. I can’t dance by myself.” I roll my eyes. “Then dance with someone else. It’s not like we’re together.” I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. I look at the angry expression covering Kelley’s face. “Sure. We aren’t together, but you’d sure as hell be pissed off if you found out I was dancing with someone else.” It’s true. I nod my head.

 

“I know. I’m sorry. Will you just come help me find something to wear?” I ask, pleadingly. She nods and makes her way over to me. She picks out my tightest fitting dark blue skinny jeans and a tight black top, along with black high heels. “I can barely walk in these.” I say, walking unsteadily towards her. She looks me up and down, appreciatively. “You look hot.” She says, confidently. I roll my eyes.

 

We arrive at the club about an hour later. It seems that Cori needed to try on 10 different outfits before she finally selected one, which made us late. Kelley immediately goes to the bar and gets us drinks before pulling me to the dance floor. “Kell. I can’t dance. You know that.” Why did I agree to come here? She rolls her eyes. “Just move your hips.” I do as she tells me and attempt to stay on the beat. The other four girls are dancing around us. Emily is grinding into Steph, while Cori and Taylor are trying to bring moves like the ‘sprinkler’ and the ‘running man’ back. They look like idiots.

We put our drinks down after a while and Kelley begins to dance closer to me, the alcohol in her system making her more confident. She leans up to my ear. “You’re really cute when you try to dance in those heels.” I roll my eyes. I probably look like a baby deer learning how to walk. I smile down at her and glance around the club when I see her. Ann. Leaning against the bar, talking to a girl she’s standing with. I freeze.

 

“Kell.” I motion towards the bar. Kelley looks over then snaps her head back to me, eyes wide. “I..I don’t know why she’s here. I swear, I had no idea she even comes here. I haven’t seen her in years.” She speaks quickly and looks right at me. I nod, slowly. “Okay. Let’s just ignore her. Hopefully she’ll keep her distance.” Kelley nods, relief covering her face.

 

Kelley lets everyone know to keep a look out on Ann, in case she tries anything. They nod in response, immediately on guard. It’s nice to see that Kelley has a good group of friends that have her back. I’m surprisingly calm, seeing Ann for the first time since..well, since the last time I saw her. I just don’t want tonight to end badly.

 

I had just gone to the bathroom and walk back to the dance floor, searching the room for Kelley. Her friends are all at the pool table, playing a game. I finally see her, at the bar, speaking to Ann. She’s whispering something in her ear and my defenses immediately come up. My stomach churns with the sight, but my feet refuse to move. I watch as Ann nods at whatever Kelley is saying. She’s looking at her like she’s a piece of meat. I clench my jaw and my hands ball into fists.

 

Ann leans in, cupping Kelley’s face. I walk backwards, stumbling with how quickly my feet are trying to move. Just when I’m about to turn around to storm out, Kelley pushes her away. I stop, continuing to watch the interaction. Kelley has an angered look on her face and she’s yelling at Ann, gesturing wildly with her hands. Ann laughs at her, grabbing her wrists too roughly for my liking. I quickly find myself walking towards them. Ann pushes her against the bar as Kelley struggles to get out of her grip. Just as she was about to lean in again, I grab her shoulder, spinning her around.

 

The look on Ann’s face is priceless. I look down at her. “I suggest very strongly that you leave. Now.” I say, with conviction. Ann smirks at me. “Your girlfriend was just telling me how much she misses my fingers.” I feel nauseous. “Hope, I didn’t-“ I ignore Kelley, who was immediately denying it. I saw what happened. “I’m not gonna be baited, you bitch. You aren’t worth the jail time. Kelley, I think we should leave.” I walk away without waiting. Kelley nods, quickly, and follows after me.

 

She has to jog to catch up. I go to the other girls and let them know that we’ll meet them at the house. They look skeptical, but agree. We walk outside and I call a taxi to bring us home. I’m fine to drive, but I don’t want to risk it. Kelley looks up at me. “You have to believe me. I didn’t say that to her. I was trying to get her to leave. That’s all, Hope. She tried to force herself on me. I pushed her away, I promise you.” I shake my head. “Why did you even approach her, Kelley? Why did you put yourself in that situation?” I say, trying to keep my cool. “I..I just wanted to avoid any conflict.” I roll my eyes. “That worked out well, didn’t it?” She sighs. “I’m sorry.”

 

The taxi finally arrives and we both sit in the backseat. I sigh. “Are you okay?” I ask her, grabbing her left wrist, gently, and inspecting it for injury. She looks at me, small smile on her face. “Yea. I’m okay. Are you?” I bite my lips and nod. “Yea. I mean, I wish you didn’t even engage with her, but I saw what happened. I know you didn’t initiate anything.” She nods, looking at me appreciatively. We sit silently for the rest of the ride.

 

We arrive back at Kelley’s just after midnight. We go to out separate rooms and I jump in the shower, cleaning the grimy feeling of the club off of my body. I step out and put on sweatpants and a t-shirt. I hear voices coming from downstairs. The other girls must have left not long after we did. I slowly walk downstairs, trying to hear what they’re saying. I’m not eavesdropping, per say, just listening to the conversation that I’m about to be a part of.

 

“Wait so she tried to kiss you?” Taylor asked. “Yes. And Hope saw. Luckily she also saw me push her away.” Kelley responds. “Did you want her to kiss you?” I think that was Emily’s voice who asked. “Not at all. I literally was just trying to get her to stay away from us and she was all over me. If Hope hadn’t come to stop her, she probably would have kissed me.” Kelley pauses before continuing. “I was proud of her, too. She didn’t let her anger get the best of her. Even when Ann tried to get her angry she didn’t give her the time of day.”

 

I take that opportunity to walk in, pretending like I didn’t hear anything they were saying. They all look at me. “Hey. I’m surprised you’re all back so early.” Taylor nods. “We kind of sensed that something was wrong and wanted to make sure you guys were okay.” I nod at her. “Oh. Well thanks.”

 

“Are you okay?” She pushes. “I’m fine. I mean she pissed me off, but I’m better now.” Kelley walks over to me, looking up at me. “Can we talk for a minute?” I furrow my eyes brows, but nod at her. She leads me upstairs and into her room, closing the door behind her. We both sit on her bed, facing each other. I fold my legs underneath me, while she dangles hers off the edge of the bed.

 

“Seriously, though. Are you okay?” I nod. “Like I said, I was mad, but I’m fine now.” I look at my fingers, picking at my nails. “Hope.” I sigh. Why does she always make me talk about stuff I want to ignore? “Kell, I’m fine. I mean, what she said kind of hurt, kind of brought me back to that night a little bit, but I’m fine.” She looks at me. “What she said isn’t true.” She says, simply.

 

I keep my eyes down and shrug. “Hope, let me tell you something. You are so much better than she is. Your fingers make me feel things that no one else has ever made me feel. You are the only one who’s ever made me..you know.” I feel my face flush as I recall the memory. It was the first and only time I had made a woman squirt and the sounds that Kelley made that night were engrained in my brain for days after.

 

I feel a familiar sensation go directly to my core. I don’t respond to her. I continue to look down at my fingers. I feel her move closer to me on the bed. She lifts my chin, forcing me to look at her. I look at her hazel eyes and glance at her lips. I could kiss her. I could, but this definitely is not the right time. Not after the night we’ve had. I lean into her for a hug instead. “I’m sorry about tonight. I shouldn’t have even approached her. Just know that nothing she said was true and you’re the only one I want, Hope.” I nod against her shoulder, holding her close.

 

I pull away and look at her. “We should probably go downstairs before your friends get drunk without us again.” She smiles and nods, following me out of the room. This is gonna be an interesting next few days.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Game day update! :) Let me know what you think! 
> 
> Probably two more chapters left in this one. I have way too many ideas for future stories. Way too many.

I wake up early the next morning with a pounding headache. I roll out of bed and take three Advil. After Kelley and I talked last night we went downstairs and ended up doing lots of shots. I felt like I was at a college party. Now, here I am, hung over and making my way downstairs with my hair thrown up in a bun, with no makeup on. I walk into the kitchen to find Kelley drinking a cup of coffee and scrolling through her phone. She glances up and smiles before her expression turns to concern.

 

“You don’t look too good.” She stands up and approaches me. She touches my forehead. “I’m fine. Just have a headache.” I sigh and close my eyes tightly, trying to will the pain away. “Come here, come sit, I’ll pour you coffee.” I nod and allow her to lead me to the table to sit down. “Everyone else is still sleeping. They’re probably gonna feel even worse than you do when they wake up.” She says as she walks around the kitchen, getting me coffee.

 

“What are we doing today?” I look at her as she places a mug in front of me. She sits down next to me. “I don’t know. I was thinking we could all just have a low-key day. Maybe watch some movies. I need to get up early tomorrow to put the turkey in the oven so I’m not gonna drink tonight.” I nod, rubbing my temples. “I’m never gonna drink again.” She scoffs. “Yea, right.” I shoot her a light glare when a shooting pain goes through my head. My face crinkles with the pain. She looks at me, knowingly. “Why don’t you go lay down. I’ll come get you when everyone else wakes up.” I sigh, but nod. I know I need to go shut my eyes for a while if I want the pain to go away.

 

“Will you come with me?” I look at her, pleadingly. She raises her eye brows, surprised at my bluntness. “Of course.” She answers, standing up. We walk slowly to my room and she stands near the edge of my bed. I get in the covers and motion for her to do the same. She gets in, cautiously and keeps her distance. I’m just not in the mood for hesitance. I roll over and place my head on her chest, putting the covers over my face. It’s too fucking bright out there.

 

She brings her hand to my head and plays with my hair, gently. Slowly, the pain started to ease up and I bring my head out of the covers, looking up at her. Her eyes are shut and her breathing has slowed. I smirk. She’s out like a light. I move closer to her and put my head back on her chest, arm around her waist, and I shut my eyes once again. This time, though, I allow sleep to overcome me.

 

I wake up to laughter and the sound of people walking. I open one eye, looking around. I look up at Kelley, who’s still sleeping, and then I look at Steph, who has her phone camera aimed my way. “Good morning!” She says, loudly. Kelley jumps, waking instantly. I groan. I can only imagine what the pictures, that they undoubtedly took, look like.

 

Kelley groans. “Go away.” She says, grumpily. Taylor walks over and pinches her cheek. “You two are just so cute.” She says, sarcastically. I roll my eyes and sit up, rubbing my eyes. “I’m gonna go shower.” I say, getting up and walking into the bathroom. I turn on the shower and listen to see if the girls left my room yet. Then I hear Taylor’s voice. “Did anything happen?” I put my ear against the door. “No, we just cuddled.” I hear Kelley respond. I roll my eyes. Typical girls, gossiping about their love lives.

 

“Why don’t you make the first move?” Cori asks. I hear shuffling of feet. “Because I’m letting her set the pace.” I hear the door to my room close and silence. They left. I sigh and get into the shower. I want to make a move, I do. I just..her friends are here and I want to be able to be alone with her and I want to make sure she knows that we aren’t official. So many thoughts are going through my mind about it.  

 

I walk downstairs after my shower and see everyone eating breakfast in the living room. I walk into the kitchen to get more coffee when I hear someone walk in after me. “I saved you some food.” Kelley says, opening the microwave and pulling out a plate. I smile at her appreciatively. “Thanks.” I whisper, taking a long drink from my mug. She walks closer to me and I lean back against the counter top. “Do you feel any better?” She asks, standing in front of me. I nod. “No more headache.”

 

I grab my plate and go to the table to sit down and eat. Kelley follows and sits across from me. She looks at me, giving me small smile. We sit and make small talk while I eat before joining everyone else in the living room.

 

“We’re gonna go out tonight. You guys in?” Cori asks us when we enter. Kelley immediately shakes her head. “I’m gonna stay here and relax. You can go if you want.” She looks at me. I hesitate. If I go, I won’t have fun and I’ll probably feel uncomfortable. If I stay, I’ll be alone with Kelley. “I’ll stay in tonight. You all can go have fun.” Kelley smiles and grabs my hand, leading me to the couch.

 

 We spend the day watching movies like Elf and The Holiday. The other girls get up to go and get ready once 6 o’clock hits. They’re going out for dinner then back to the club, apparently. I won’t be surprised if we get woken up at 1 AM when they get back. Kelley and I cuddle on the couch while then get ready. She lays in front of me, her back against my front.

 

They leave at around 7, yelling a quick ‘goodbye’ to us on their way out. I roll my eyes at them. They’re like children. I kiss the back of Kelley’s head after their taxi drives away. “What are we gonna do all night?” I ask. She rolls towards me, almost falling off the couch. I laugh, but wrap my arm around her to keep her steady. “Whatever you want. We can watch movies. What do you want to do for dinner?” I shrug. “Take-out?”

 

She nods and stands up, grabbing her stack of take-out menus off of the side table. “I’m gonna go shower. Look at those and decide on somewhere. I don’t care what we have.” She walks away before I can respond. I roll my eyes. She knows that I hate deciding where we eat. I look them over and narrow it down to a couple. She can decide from these.

 

I’m in the kitchen, doing dishes, when she comes downstairs from her shower. I hear her walk in and approach me but I don’t turn around. She wraps her arms around my waist. I smile, drying off a plate and putting it on the counter. I turn around in her arms to face her. We’re much closer than I thought we would be. My lips are almost touching her forehead. I lean and kiss her head, gently. She smiles and looks up at me.

 

I look down at her and rest my hands on her hips. She bites her bottom lip and glances from my eyes to my lips. Fuck, I’m nervous. This is a perfect moment to lean in, but what will this mean for us? I shut my thoughts out and look into her eyes. I bring my right hand to her face and lightly stroke her cheek with my thumb before I lean down. I move slowly, giving her time to pull away if she wants to, but she doesn’t. She leans up to meet me halfway. My knees immediately become weak at the contact. It starts out gentle, almost cautious. She runs her tongue along my bottom lip, asking for entrance, which I quickly grant.

 

I turn us around and gently push her back into the counter. She brings one hand to the back of my neck, pulling me closer, while she allows her other hand to wander, grabbing my ass. The kiss quickly turns heated, but I know that going any further than this will only make us both even more confused. I pull away, smiling down at her and giving her one last peck. She pulls me into a hug. I pull her closer and kiss the top of her head. Then the doorbell rings. Our food has arrived.

 

After we eat, we spend the night talking, playful banter back and forth. We both decide to call it an early night. I agreed to wake up early tomorrow morning to help her with the food. I walk with her to her room and sit on the foot of her bed, while she washes her face and brushes her face. This has been a really, really good night. She comes out of her bathroom, drying off her face.

 

“Do you want to make a bet that they’re all gonna look like the walking dead tomorrow morning?” I laugh. I’m already prepared to get woken up when they get back. They’re fucking loud. “I say they don’t even show themselves until at least 11. Maybe even noon.” She nods. “I’m setting my alarm for 6. I have to prepare everything and get the turkey in the oven.” I internally groan. 6 o’clock? She smiles and approaches me. “You don’t have to wake up with me. I can handle it.” I shake my head. “No, no, it’s okay. I want to help. Will you just wake me up so I don’t have to set an alarm?” She cups my face and kisses my forehead. “Of course.”

 

I stand up, begrudgingly. “I guess I should go get some sleep.” She nods and looks at me, expectantly. I roll my eyes and pull her into a kiss. She deepens it slightly, but it stays pretty innocent. I pull away and peck her lips, then her cheek, then her forehead. “Goodnight, Kell.” I whisper, against her head. She places her head on my collarbone. “Goodnight.” She responds. I wrap my arms around her, giving her a tight squeeze, before stepping back. “See you in a few hours.” I say, dramatically. She rolls her eyes. “You’ll be fine.”

 

I fall asleep pretty quickly, but just as I predicted, I get woken up at 3 AM. They were out for a long time. I wake to their laughter, then I hear a loud thump, then more laughter. Someone just fell. Fucking morons. I lay down and try to fall back asleep, but it doesn’t seem like they’re planning on going to bed any time soon. I sigh and sit up. I could go tell them to ‘shut up,’ but then they’d probably just laugh at me and make me drink with them.

 

I decide to wait it out and after a while, the noise level drops. They probably passed out in the living room. I shut my eyes and sigh. I already know I’m not gonna be able to go back to sleep. My brain is very much awake and won’t shut the fuck up. I grab my phone and look at the time. 4:30. I roll my eyes. Another hour and a half before I have to be up for the day. I sit up in my bed and start looking through my email.

 

I had just finished deleting all of my unneeded emails when I hear a soft knock at the door. I furrow my eye brows. “Hello?” I whisper-yell. I see the door crack open and Kelley’s head pop in. “What are you doing?” I ask her. She slowly comes in and closes it, leaning up against the inside of the door. “I can’t sleep.” I roll my eyes. “Your friends are loud.” I respond. She nods. “No kidding.”

 

“Come here.” I motion her to come to me. She slowly makes her way over and lays down next to me. She gets under the blankets and lays on her side, facing me. “Are you tired?” She whispers. I look down at her from my place against the headboard. “Not really. Are you?” She shakes her head. We fall into a silence. I start scrolling through my Facebook timeline and she moves to sit next to me, leaning on my shoulder.

 

“I really missed you.” She breaks the silence. I bite my bottom lip. “I missed you too.” I admit. “Are you still mad at me?” I sigh. She wants to have a deep late night talk. Perfect. This isn’t what I was hoping for. “I don’t know.” I answer, shortly. She nods against my shoulder. “It’s okay if you are. I probably would be if I were you.” I shrug. “I was mad that you lied to me. I was mad that you cheated. You made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. Am I still mad at you over it? Maybe, a little, but I’m getting over it. I want this to work, Kell.” I respond. Hopefully that’s enough for her to drop the topic.

 

She sighs and sits back against the headboard. I look over at her. “I was an idiot. You were, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I completely ruined what we had. Please don’t think that you weren’t good enough because if anything, I wasn’t good enough for you. Now though? Now I know exactly what I want. I know what I lost, but now we have an opportunity to start fresh and I can’t even begin to explain how happy I am that you’ve given me a chance to gain your trust back. I will. I’ll gain it back no matter how long it takes. You have nothing to worry about, Hope. I want you for the rest of my life if you’ll have me. I just need you to know that.” She pauses and looks at me. “And if you decide that you can’t forgive me, that you don’t want this, then I’ll let you go. But until you say that to me, I’m not going anywhere.”

 

I nod, slowly, and grab her hand, interlacing our fingers. “I do want this. I want it to work and honestly? I’ve barely thought about our past since being back here with you. I want to be with you.” I immediately cringe at my words. I didn’t mean for that to slip out. She looks at me. “You want to be with me? Like be official?” I sigh. Why do I always do this to myself? I can’t ever just let things run smoothly. “I, um, I don’t know. I mean I guess? Maybe.” She furrows her eye brows. “What do you mean?” I rub my face in frustration. “I want to be with you but I’m scared. I’m scared to put a label on us because as soon as we’re in an official relationship, I’m putting myself out there to be hurt again.” I lean forward and rest my head in my hands, refusing to look at her reaction.

 

She puts her hand on my back, rubbing soothing circles along my shoulders. “I get it. I mean, I’m never gonna hurt you again, I know that. But I understand that you can’t trust that yet. I’ll wait as long as it takes for you to be ready.” I nod my head in my hands, leaning back against the headboard. “Do you want to see other people?” I snap my head to look at her. “What do you mean? No, I don’t. Do you?” She quickly shakes her head. “No, no, not at all. I just wanted to make sure. I mean, I consider myself to be unavailable to anyone else, even if we aren’t ‘official.’”

 

She looks at me nervously. I nod my head and lean in to kiss her. I give her a quick peck. “I only want you, Kell.” She smiles. “So basically we’re in a relationship without calling it a relationship? I mean we’re not seeing other people, we only want each other, but we aren’t girlfriends?” She giggles. I furrow my eye brows and think about it. I guess she’s kind of right. I shrug. “I guess so.”  

 

We both jump at the sound of Kelley’s alarm. I groan. It’s already 6? She quickly shuts it off. She gets up to go take a shower before we start prepping for the day ahead. I lay down for a little while longer. I guess Kelley is right. I mean, we’re not seeing other people, it’s pretty obvious that we have feelings for each other. But making it official makes it so much more real. It’s so much more for me to lose if something happens again. I sigh and get up. This is gonna be a long day.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter (the epilogue) to go in this one. I'll try and get it posted by Wednesday. It's finals week though, so we'll see. Let me know what you think!

“Come here.” I say, softly. I grab her wrist and pull her into me. I glance around the airport. People walking, luggage dragging behind them. I’m going back home today after the few days spent with Kelley and her friends, who turned out to be really great people. This is always the hardest part. Saying goodbye. We haven’t planned anything ahead of time so neither of us know when we’ll see each other again. I feel Kelley’s body start shaking with stifled sobs.

 

“Hey, I’m not leaving forever. We’ll figure something out.” My eyes fill with tears despite my words. She buries her face into the crook of my neck. “How about when I get home, I’ll call you and we’ll look at our schedules and plan something?” I offer. I’m just trying to make us both feel better about being so far away.

 

She pulls back and wipes her face, quickly. She sighs. “I’m just gonna miss you.” She whispers. I look down, unable to look into her sad eyes. “I’m gonna miss you too, but we’ll be okay. Maybe you can come to Seattle next time.” She perks up with my suggestion. “Really? You would want me to come?” I smile at her. “Yes, Kell, of course I would.”

 

I pull her into another hug. “I have to go. The security line is starting to back up.” I glance at the crowd of people waiting to get through and internally groan. I feel her nod against me. She pulls away and looks up at me. “You’ll text me when you land so I know you’re safe?” I nod. I bite my lips and glance down at her. I don’t know if I should kiss her or not. Does she want to be seen in public with me? Will this hurt her career? Will it hurt mine? Well, mine isn’t as imp- My inner dialogue is cut off by Kelley’s lips against mine.

 

I kiss her back, lovingly before pulling away and giving her a lingering kiss on the forehead. “Okay. I really have to go.” She nods and looks down. “I love you.” She glances at me. I give her a small smile. “I love you too, Kell. Drive safely, okay?” She nods. I turn around and walk towards security.

 

Once I make it to the back of the line, I glance back at where Kelley is still standing. She’s wiping away stray tears and trying to find her keys. I roll my eyes to myself. Typical, Kelley. She finally locates them in her back pocket and glances at me. I give her a smile and a short wave. She returns the sentiment and I watch as she slowly walks out. I sigh to myself. Back to Seattle, where I’ll be back to my everyday routine. I’m not looking forward to it.

 

* * *

 

 

I step off the plane and turn my phone back on, almost immediately feeling it start to vibrate with incoming texts. I furrow my eye brows and sit down in front of my gate to read them. It isn’t often that I’m bombarded with 40 texts in a six-hour period. I go to Kelley’s first. ‘I’m so sorry.’ and ‘I didn’t know this would happen.’ are the first two I read. I immediately stiffen.

 

I scroll up to find a link that she sent me. It brings me to TMZ. I bite my bottom lip and wait for the page to load. Stupid fucking phone. ‘Kelley O’Hara and Hope Solo photographed kissing at Newark Liberty International Airport earlier today.’ My stomach drops at the sight. I look at the picture. It’s clear and it was taken close-up. There’s no denying it.

 

I’m surprisingly calm. I mean, we never officially confirmed our relationship the first time, but people assumed. Honestly, I don’t care who knows, at this point. Sure, Kelley and I aren’t ‘officially’ together, but it doesn’t bother me that I’ve just been ‘outed’ to the world. I’m at the point where I just want to live my life. I’m not concerned about what strangers think of me. I just hope that Kelley’s okay with it.

 

I look at my other unread texts. My agent. Fucking great. ‘Seriously, Hope? You don’t make this job easy for me. Are we confirming this or denying it? I need to let the PR team know’ Well that’s not too bad. At least he didn’t quit again. I have a bunch of texts from my teammates. I roll my eyes at most of them. Especially Ali’s ‘Told yah so.’ I’ll have to call her tomorrow.

 

I sigh to myself and glance around the empty airport. It’s late in New Jersey. I’ll be surprised if Kelley is even awake. I scroll to her number and call her anyway. I’ll leave her a message at least.

 

“Hello?” She sounds nervous. I look at the time. It’s almost 1 AM in New Jersey.

 

“You’re awake?” I ask, dumbly.

 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t think anyone recognized us. Did you see the picture? I wonder who took it. Are you freaking out?” I smile at her short rant. Clearly she’s the one who’s freaking out.

 

“Kell, slow down. I saw the photo and I’m not freaking out. I’m okay. How do you feel about it?”

 

“I just..I wish we told people on our terms. I mean, we aren’t even in a relationship and we’re gonna be forced to make a statement about it.” She’s speaking slower than before.

 

“How do you want to handle it?” I nervously await her answer.

 

“I don’t know. Do we confirm a relationship that we don’t even have? Or do we deny it and lay low?” I rub my temples with my free hand.

 

“I’m not gonna hide anymore. I’m gonna let people know that I’m a lesbian. Maybe not now, but at some point. That doesn’t mean that we can’t hide our relationship if that’s what you want to do.” I hear her sigh.

 

“I just, I don’t know. Something just doesn’t feel right about telling people that we’re together when we aren’t. But it doesn’t feel right to deny it either.” We fall into a silence. I agree with her. It seems like a lose-lose situation.

 

“Could we just not make a statement? Just ignore it until we’re ready?” I’m really just thinking out loud.

 

“That’s..that’s a good idea.” I sigh in relief and stand up, walking towards the baggage claim.

 

“Okay. So that’s what we’ll do, for now.” I grab my suitcase off of the carousel and start walking to my car.

 

“Your agent is gonna kill you.” I scoff.

 

“He’ll be fine.” She sighs, softly.

 

“I guess this means I have to call my family. I didn’t exactly let them know that we’re figuring things out.” I furrow my eye brows. She didn’t tell her family? She tells her family everything.

 

“I’m surprised they don’t already know.”

 

“They just..they love you and they were really upset when we broke up the first time so I wanted to wait to see if we were gonna work out before getting their hopes up.” I finally arrive at my car, throwing my bags into my trunk.

 

“I guess that makes sense.” I’ve really missed her family. Especially Jerry, who I’d grown close to before everything went downhill. “I just got to my car so I’m gonna drive home. We’re okay, right? You’re okay with not commenting on the photos?” She hesitates.

 

“I’m okay with it until we figure out what’s happening between us. Drive safely, okay? Text me when you’re home.” I smile to myself.

 

“I will. I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

 

It’s been just over a month since the photo of us kissing surfaced on the internet. Since then, I’ve been receiving a lot more attention over it, as expected. Kelley has too. We both think it’s almost humorous how people are so interested in our personal lives. Now, after so many phone calls and facetime sessions, she’s finally on her way to Seattle to visit me.

 

We’ve been doing really well. We’ve kind of picked up on a routine that suits our schedules and gives us time to talk to each other as much as we can throughout the day. It’s been hard not seeing her, but we’ve finally found a couple days that we both have off and we’re gonna spend them together.

 

I’ve been talking to her family a lot too. After Kelley told them that we’re on good terms, they reached out to me. It’s nice hearing from them again. They’re such great people. I can’t wait to go back out to Georgia with Kell and see them. ‘Good ole’ Georgia barbeque’ as Don likes to say.

 

We’re on our way back to my house, making small talk. Apparently someone on the flight recognized her and asked her if she’s a lesbian. I laugh, looking over at her. “Why do they care so much about what we do?” She shrugs, smiling at me. “Beats me.”

 

Upon arriving to my house, I help her bring her oversized bags inside. “What are you planning on moving in?” I ask, sarcastically. She scoffs. “I didn’t know what I would need so I brought extra stuff.” I roll my eyes and drag her suitcase up the stairs and towards the bedrooms. I stop in the middle of the hallway and turn to look at her.

 

“Do you, um, do you want to stay in my room with me or do you want to stay in the guest room?” I look down. I don’t know why I’m so nervous, but I just don’t want her to think I’m trying to seduce her or something. I feel my face get hot with the blush that is most certainly showing on my face. I glance up at her.

 

Her face shows surprise; she clearly wasn’t expecting that. I shake my head. “It’s okay, I just wanted to offer. You can just stay in the guest room, if you want.” She looks at me, snapping out of whatever sort of daze she was in. “No, if you don’t mind I’ll stay in your room with you?” She says, questioningly.

 

I nod in response and continue to make my way to my room. I bring her stuff in and sit on the bed, allowing her to unpack a little bit and organize her stuff. “You changed a lot.” She notices, looking around the room. I nod. “Yea. I painted and bought a new bed.”

 

She quickly finishes getting her stuff sorted and walks over to me, kissing me on the nose. “I missed you so much.” I smile at the gesture. “I missed you.” I reply. She lightly pushes me back on the bed, crawling on top of me. I raise my eye brows at her. “What are you doing?” She smirks.

 

“You maybe want to break in the new bed?” She says softly. I scoff. “You’re trying to get in my pants? You’ve been here for an hour.” I sit up so she’s on my lap, straddling my thighs. I give her a lasting kiss and pick her up, carrying her out of the room. “Where are we going?” She asks, casually.

 

I don’t respond, walking downstairs to the living room. I throw her on the couch and make my way into the kitchen. “Hey!” She yells after me. I smile to myself, going to the fridge to find something to cook for dinner. “I’m making us food.” I call out to her. That seemed to please her, considering she turned on the TV, patiently waiting. I roll my eyes. No, I don’t need help, Kell, thanks for the offer though.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s her last night in Seattle and Kelley and I had just gotten home from having dinner at a nearby restaurant that we both love. We’re on our way back to my house. We’re sitting in a comfortable silence. I glance over at her. She’s looking out the window, her feet curled under her. I smile to myself. “Do you maybe want to, you know, um, be official? I mean I know we haven’t talked about it in a while but, I mean, I’m ready for that step.” I say. I keep my eyes on the road, hoping she doesn’t react badly.

 

I feel her hand on my thigh and I glance at her. She’s smiling. Good sign, right? “You want to be together officially? Like you want to be my girlfriend?” I smile at her. “I mean, yea. I do.” She scoffs and crosses her arms. “No.” She says, sternly. My stomach drops. I furrow my eye brows. “Oh. Uh, okay. That’s fine.” She laughs and I snap my head to look at her and shoot her a glare.

 

“You didn’t ask me.” I shake my head at her and turn my head to face the road. “I didn’t ask you what, Kell?” She sighs, in frustration. “You know what? Fine, I’ll do it. Again. Will you be my girlfriend?” I raise my eye brows. So that’s what she wanted. I smirk at her. “You know, you didn’t really ask me the first time. It was more of a demand.” She scoffs. “As if you would have said no.” I roll my eyes as we pull into my driveway.

 

I stop the car and turn to face her. I lean over the center console and give her a kiss, which I immediately deepen. I pull away after a couple of minutes and look at her. “Yes.” I say, softly. She gives me a small smile. “You’re stuck with me now, Solo.” I roll my eyes. “What have I done?” I say, dramatically. She slaps my arm lightly, exasperated look on her face. I laugh and get out of the car, leading her to the door.

 

We spend our last night together cuddling on the couch. There’s a movie playing, but we haven’t been watching it. Just holding each other, relishing in the moment that we know will soon be gone. “Do you remember when you almost broke the TV?” I furrow my eye brows and smirk. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I reply, innocently. She scoffs.

 

“You tried to fucking kill me with that cushion, that one! Right there!” She points to the said cushion. “Then you threw it at my head. You’re lucky I have quick reflexes.” I roll my eyes. “You almost made me break the TV. You should have just let it hit your head.” She pushes my shoulder. “It could have injured me.”

 

“Maybe if you weren’t being mean I wouldn’t have had to throw it in the first place.” She smiles. “We’re fucking arguing over something that happened 5 years ago.” I smile, lightheartedly. “We aren’t arguing.” I kiss her forehead. We fall into a comfortable silence. Light touches, small smiles, innocent kisses. “I don’t want to go back.” She whispers, looking down.

 

“Don’t think about it. Let’s just enjoy tonight, okay? Tomorrow we can be sad.” I say, lifting her chin with my fore finger. She gives me a forced smile and nods. I kiss her cheek and look into her eyes. “I love you.” She curls into me, putting her head on my chest. “I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

 

I wake up the next morning with a start. I immediately notice my lack of clothing. I sit up, looking at the clothes that are scattered all over the bedroom floor. Kelley is nowhere to be found. The memories of last night flood back into my mind. Soft touches, hot kisses, whispered promises, pure love. It was like a puzzle piece had been put back into place. It felt right. It felt perfect.

 

Where is Kelley? I look around the room, quickly throwing on some sweatpants and a t-shirt before going downstairs. “Kell?” I call out, looking in the dining room. “In the kitchen.” I hear. I smile and walk into the kitchen to see Kelley covered in white powder. I raise my eye brows at her and smirk. “What the fuck happened in here?” I ask, amused.

 

“What do you mean ‘what happened’? I’m making pancakes.” I scoff. “What happened to my kitchen?” She looks around at the mess on the counter. She tilts her head at me before motioning for me to come to her. I approach warily. I don’t trust Kelley in this situation. I could easily get something thrown at me at any time. She leans up and gives me a kiss.

 

I help her make the pancakes so she doesn’t make more of a mess. Her flight leaves in about two hours so we eat quickly and shower (together) before leaving my house. Saying goodbye is never easy, but when it’s saying goodbye to someone who you want to spend every day with, it makes it even harder. We both cry this time. Watching her leave is almost harder than being the one to get on the plane. As I’m walking out of the airport, I get approached by a reporter and a camera man. “Hope Solo, I saw you kiss Kelley O’Hara just minutes ago. Are you in a relationship?” I roll my eyes and scoff. “You wanna know what?” I look directly into the camera. “Yes.”

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Let me know what you think, as always!
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me through this one! Feel free to leave any prompts you may have in the comments and I'll definitely consider them. I already have the first chapter of my next one ready so maybe I'll post it later tonight. :)

After our relationship became public, we got a rush of media attention. For about a year, we were badgered on social media, we received both support and criticism from fans and strangers alike. We didn’t let it bother us, though. We stayed strong and ignored the hatred that came. Kelley and I have never been better. We’ve built a strong relationship and it’s easy for me to say that I trust her. I trust her completely.

 

After playing soccer for almost my whole life, I retired from the game last year at age 39. I stayed in the league for a long time. As soon as I started to feel my body become tired, become beaten down from the years of wear and tear, I decided to end it. We won the NWSL championship and it felt like the right time to walk away, to start my life without playing the game I love so much. With the retirement came a sense of freedom. I was no longer tied down to Seattle. Kelley was traded to FCKC during my last season playing. Sure, that meant we were a little bit closer together in distance, but it didn’t make it any easier to see each other. For the last 2 years of my career we barely saw each other during soccer season. Even less when she had camps or tournaments with the national team.

 

During their most recent cycle, the girls lost the World cup in the final to Germany. It was heartbreaking to watch Kelley. The blank look on her face, the tears, the frustration. They came back, they regrouped, and they kicked ass at the Olympics, winning gold once again. I watched from the stands as she celebrated with her team. Now, at 33, she’s still going strong and if anything, she’s become an even better, even more versatile, player.

 

Once I left Seattle, Kelley and I both agreed that I should move to Kansas City with her. While Seattle is my home, I’m willing to make a temporary sacrifice for our relationship. Living together was a big change. We argued a lot, we got under each other’s skin. Mostly because Kelley is so fucking messy, but that’s beside the point. Once we got used to being around each other so much, we’ve gotten much better. Now, I’m able be with Kelley and support her career. I was offered a job as a goalkeeping coach for Seattle. After I considered it for a long time, I decided against it. I think I just need a break. A break from working, a break from being within the soccer world. Maybe one day I’ll be ready to return.

 

It’s mid-season for her so she’s been really busy. They’ve been on a road trip for the last two weeks, playing in Orlando, then in New Jersey. I’ve been working around our small house. It’s not big, it’s not luxury, but it’s us. It’s perfect for us. A small two-bedroom house with just enough space and just enough work to be done to keep me busy. Kell should be home tomorrow morning. Her flight leaves Jersey at like 8 and I’m trying to get these walls painted before she gets back.

 

Kelley has been hinting at wanting to get married for the past year. She’ll show me dresses that she likes online, she’ll show me venues, center pieces, anything that has to do with a wedding. I always sort of laugh it off. I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. I mean, my last experience proposing wasn’t necessarily a good experience. And by that I mean it was a fucking shit show and ended with me hating her.

 

The next day I move the furniture back in place. The walls look better than I thought they would. I’ve never actually painted a full room by myself before so I’d say for a first-timer, I did well. As I’m pour myself a cup of coffee, I hear the door open and the sound of luggage being rolled on the hardwood floors. “Baby?” She calls. I put my coffee down and walk to the living room. “Hey.” I say, upon seeing her.

 

She smiles at me and comes to give me a quick kiss. “Did you do all this?” She motions to the room. I nod. “The paint’s not totally dry yet, so don’t touch the walls.” She gives me a short hug. “Thank you.” I nod in response. Something’s wrong. Normally she’s in my arms before I can even say ‘hi’ after road trips. “Everything okay?” She nods, too quickly.

 

“I’m just tired. I’m gonna go shower.” I smirk. “Want me to join?” She gives me a tight smile. “I’m just gonna go rinse my body off really quickly.” I furrow my eye brows and watch as she walks away. What did I do? I go through the events of the last couple days. She was fine on the phone yesterday morning. What happened from then to now to make her upset?

 

I sigh and go to our bedroom, sitting on the bed and waiting for her to emerge from the bathroom. She finally comes out about 15 minutes later. She ignores me and puts on jeans and a t-shirt. “Where are you going?” I ask, softly. She shrugs. “I don’t know.” I roll my eyes and stand up, grabbing her shoulders, forcing her to look at me. “What is wrong, Kelley?” I look down at her.

 

She hesitates, probably contemplating on whether to tell me or not. She sighs and moves away from me, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She motions for me to do the same. I look at her skeptically, but do as she asks. I stay silent, allowing her to take her time. She looks at me.

 

“Kell, you’re scaring me.” I say, honestly. She never acts like this. “I want to get married, Hope.” I furrow my eye brows. This is what this is all about? Really? “Okay?” I respond. “I want to have kids.” She continues. My eyes widen. Kids? We never really talked about having kids, so I just assumed we were on the same page that we weren’t planning on having them. I mean, sure, I’ve thought about having one or two, but we never discussed it. “What?”

 

She sighs again. “I’m 33 years old and I have no idea what we’re doing or where we’re going. You refuse to talk about getting married and the face that you just made when I mentioned kids makes me think you don’t want them.” I wipe my face with my hands. “I just..I don’t know, Kell. Those are big decisions.” She shakes her head.

 

“You were going to propose to me before..what changed?” I scoff. “Yes. I was going to. Then I caught you in bed with someone else. So that plan changed.” The words flow out of my mouth before I can stop them. Fuck. Fuck. I shouldn’t have said that. She flinches at my words. “I thought we were over that.” I nod and put my hand on her thigh. She pulls away. “We are…we are. I’m sorry.” She looks at me, hurt evident in her eyes.

 

“I’m gonna lay it out for you. I want to get married to you. I want to have kids with you. If you don’t want that then let me know because either my priorities have to change or I need to move on.” I raise my eye brows. An ache fills my chest. “You would leave me if I didn’t want kids? If I didn’t want to get married?” I’m immediately defensive. I’m not saying that I don’t want those things. But the fact that she would leave if I didn’t hurt more than it should.

 

“I don’t know, Hope.” I smile, tightly, and look away. “Good to know.” I say, standing and grabbing my jacket. “Where are you going?” I shake my head. “You know what? You have a lot of nerve coming back after two weeks and throwing all of this on my plate. It’s not my fault that you decided to fuck someone else and ruin what we could have had. Maybe if you weren’t such a slut, we’d have kids by now.” I spit the words out at her. I watch the hurt flood her face, regret immediately filling my body. I walk out of the room and go to the kitchen, leaning against the counter, head in my hands.

 

I don’t know where that came from. Kelley and I have been doing so well. So fucking well and now I’ve just fucked that up. The truth is that I do want to marry her and I do want to have kids. It’s just the way that she attacked me about it that set me off. It’s not an excuse for my words, but fuck, I’m not perfect. I sigh and put my jacket on the table. I can’t walk out and leave her right now. I walk back to our room, quietly.

 

I open our door and see her packing clothes. I walk into the room and notice she’s crying. “Kell? I’m sorry.” I say, softly. She looks up at me and shakes her head. “Don’t leave.” I plead. She laughs, dryly. “Oh, I’m not leaving. You are.” I raise my eye brows. “What?”

 

She stops what she’s doing. “I fucked up, okay? 6 years ago, I fucked up. I get it. I thought we were over that.” “We are” I interrupt. She puts a hand up to stop me. “Clearly not.” Her voice cracks. I walk over to her and put my arms around her. She fights me, trying to get out of my arms. After about thirty seconds of fighting, she allows me to hold her. “I’m sorry.” I whisper into her hair. She shakes her head and pulls back.

 

“I want to be your wife one day, Hope. I want to have your kids, but I want you to want it too. So if it’s not something you want then I get it.” I nod, slowly. “You don’t have to leave.” She says. I hesitate. “Maybe I should go. Maybe I should go back to Seattle for a few days, clear my head.” She shakes her head, quickly. “No, don’t go.” I smile at her. “Kell, I’ll be back in a few days, okay? Then I’ll be able to give you answers. I just..I think I need to clear my mind.” She nods, slowly. “Help me pack?” I ask, as I grab some of my clothes and throw them in the bag.

 

* * *

 

 

I go back to Seattle that night, walking into my house for the first time in about six months. Everything looks pretty much the same. I brought all of my cloths and some appliances that we needed to KC, but other than that, all of my furniture and decorations remain. I’ve missed it here. I love living with Kelley, getting to see her all the time, but Seattle has always been home to me. It’s just where I’m most comfortable. I sigh and walk to the bedroom.

 

I didn’t come here to think. Well, I guess I probably should think about it a little bit more while I’m here, but I’m pretty sure I know what I want. I go to my bureau and open the top drawer, taking out the fateful ring that’s been through all of this with me. I really do want to marry Kelley. What I said to her today was out of anger. I feel terrible about it. I sit down and text Kelley, letting her know I’m here safely. I go online and look at flights. Maybe I’ll be home sooner than she thinks.

 

* * *

 

 

I haven’t told Kelley that I’m back in town. I’m not supposed to be back until tomorrow. I probably should have learned my lesson with surprises, but here I am, doing it again. I pull into the driveway and notice an unfamiliar car. I laugh, dryly, to myself. This is all too familiar. It’s probably just one of our friends. They’re always coming over unannounced. I get out of the car, quickly, and look through the window when I see them.

 

Tobin, Kling, and Kelley, sitting in the living room, laughing. She didn’t tell me Portland was in town. I smirk to myself and unlock the door. She snaps her head up to look at me. “You’re home?” Her voice is a mixture of nerves and excitement. “I am.” I respond, closing the door behind me.

 

She stands up and gives me a long hug. “I’m sorry for what I said.” I whisper. I feel her shake her head against my shoulder. “I know. It’s okay, I forgive you.” I look over at our friends, who are looking at us with disgust evident on their faces. “You guys are gross.” Kling says. I roll my eyes and walk over to them. “Nice to see you too.” I give them quick hugs and walk to the bedroom to unpack.

 

They leave a few hours later. We ordered some pizza and caught up. I haven’t seen them since last season so it was nice to have them over. After they left, Kelley was in the kitchen doing the dishes, I stayed in the living room, watching TV and playing with the box that’s hidden away in my jacket pocket. I’m too nervous for a speech, too nervous to make a big deal of it. She comes back in the living room when she’s done and sits across from me. As she sits down, I stand up, shakily.

 

She looks at me, expectantly. “What are you-“ I cut her off by getting on one knee and taking out the ring. She stares at it, in silence. My hand is shaking uncontrollably. She makes eye contact with me, her eyes are filled with unfallen tears. “Are you sure?” I nod my head immediately. “Ask me.” I let out a short laugh.

 

“Will you marry me?” I say, my voice shaking. She smiles, brightly, allowing tears to fall. She nods her head and slides off the couch, getting on her knees in front of me. She leans in and gives me a hug, only pulling back to kiss me. I smile and take the ring out of the box, sliding it on her finger. “I didn’t have to go back to Seattle to think about it, I just needed to pick something up.” I motion to the ring.

 

She looks at me. “Wait is that the same ring as-“ She cuts herself off. I nod. “You kept it all this time?” I shrug. “I guess I never really felt like it was over between us.” She gives me a small smile and pulls me to my feet, hugging me once again. “One.” I say. She pulls back and looks at me, confusion evident on her face. “What?”

 

“One kid. I’m too old to keep up with any more than that.” She laughs. “You’re serious? You want to have a baby with me?” I smile and nod. “I do.” I say, honestly. I lean down to kiss her once again. She pulls back after a couple of minutes. “I need to call my parents!” She exclaims, running to the kitchen to get her phone. I roll my eyes. As I listen to her tell her family the news, the excitement in her voice, the love that I feel for her is greater than anything I’ve ever experienced. We made it.

 

 


End file.
